I think I have self esteem issues?

Question

I'm a 22 year old female. I'd always been a chubby child and been teased about it and called names by family members and relatives. I mean you would have expected it from outsiders like other children in the playground when I was at school but I don't ever remember any of them being nasty to me about my weight, it was always my family, which hurt more I guess 'cos they're the ones you rely on and want loving from. I'm 22 now and been diagnosed with two separate hormonal conditions (hypothyroidism and PCOS) that have an effect on my metabolism/weight which makes it even harder for me to lose weight. It's really affected my self-esteem. I've always seen myself as a "fat ugly hairy girl" and I've not really had anyone tell me any different. I've hardly ever got any compliments about the way I look, so it makes it even harder for me to accept compliments. Usually they're about my personality, but I find it hard to accept them. It's affected my self esteem on the whole I think.

My siblings and neices and nephews call me a "cuddly teddy bear" but I feel like a fat worthless lump of lard. Growing up I wasn't into hair or makeup or boys, etc. I wouldn't have called myself a tomboy either though.

God knows how but I got into a fvcked up kinda relationship with this guy who used to tell me so much that it was always my personality and heart that matters, not my looks and that he loved me for my heart. Naturally I believed him. Then we had a fight over something so stupid and he said so many horrible and hurtful things to me about my image and weight. He broke my heart twice and I dumped him. He's in the past now.

I got a new haircut (possibly my first brave hair moment) after that, it really made me feel good about myself and was like a breath of fresh air/confidence after all that sh!t with that loser, but then after a while I felt like it made me look like a man, and all my insecurities crept back in :( I don't bother with my hair now, I feel I'll always look like a man no matter what. And I feel makeup makes me look a billion times worse, makes me look fake/plastic, or like something out of a circus.

I see so many of my friends around me who are gorgeous/beautiful in so many different ways. I feel like total sh!t compared to them.

I have a lot of sisters and out of all of them, I'm the tallest and fattest, generally the biggest. They're all around the same dress and shoe size so they share their clothes and shoes a lot. I've never had the opportunity to do this with my sisters, unless something mum bought for me was too small for me and one of them would keep it.

I booked an appointment to see the counsellor at my GP's Practice but she was half an hour late and it really pissed me off and I just walked out of the surgery... I would have liked to have seen her and talked through some of my self esteem issues but the whole time delay thing really pissed me off 'cos I had other things to do as well and I just walked straight out of the surgery. I don't know if I want to book another appointment now, I feel so let down by her already seeing as she couldn't even see me on time, without a valid reason.

I feel I have low confidence and self esteem issues, and I'm not sure how to deal with them. I feel so fat and worthless. If someone tells me different, I have a really hard time accepting it.

I hate myself.

Answer 1

I know how you feel. I was a over weight, pasty white red haired boy. I never thought myself attractive, and I was almost always the tallest in my class. Kids at harassed me, until the 4th grade when I beat the Siht out of a kid older then I was, threw a desk into the chalkboard, breaking it and challenged the whole class of 4th and 5th graders if they wanted a piece of the Fat kid. After that I was left alone. Now at 40 something, 6'4", 275 pds of Harley riding Biker. No one bothers me.



There is a old Beatles song about Polythene Pam, "so good looking that she looks like a man" side 2 of Abby Road album.



If you focus on the negative so will everyone else.



With the conditions you mentioned you are going to have to really watch the foods you eat. The obvious of No fast foods (you may treat yourself once a month to your favorite), No processed foods, it's the funky chemical additives that are the killers. Avoid High Fructose corn syrup like the plague! Reg. corn syrup is fine, again it's the chemical enhanced crap-o-la. And Finally, a bag of fresh frozen veggies is 5 serving and only 250 natural fiber filled calories. This allows for Real cheese and a lean meat to be added. Don't forget the spices!



So, you have my permission to LOVE yourself! Now give yourself the same permission!



And remember, Most of the really beautiful women are so fricking shallow and unintelligent that they end up being really Ugly people.

Do your hair, Make-up? nothing wrong with it done very tastefully. (I hate the troweled on look.) And, find a new counslor.



Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year!

Answer 2

You're 22 years old and I think it's about time you're doing something to gain self-esteem and confidence. I'm always saddened by people's inability to look past their own negative triats and flaws, because like any person I can relate and know how dangerous this can be.



Please don't feel you're the only one who has some feature you're not happy with. Everyone is exactly the same in that regard, especially women. It's just that most people do not spend their whole lives focussing on one little bad thing about them, and come to realise that their positive features outweigh anything they're disappointed with.



Having weight issues should not affect you're relationships, because it's a common problem, and yet people are able to develop relationships and maintain them. The problem starts with you and you're negativity. You'd be surprised by what you're friends and family really think about you. Sure, there will always be someone prettier or smarter or funnier or cooler than the next person, but that doesn't mean that you're friends aren't seeing an amazing feature of yours and experiencing a little jealousy.



Being chubby doesn't make you ugly. I've had so many 'chubby' friends who've been gorgeous. Not that looks are important, but i bet you don't look as masculine as you think.



Embrace you're femininity. The key to it is simply being confident and charismatic. Overlook the things about yourself that are unable to be changed, accept yourself, and make sure you let your family know about your insecurities so they can provide you with the support you require to gain confidence. They're not saying anything to hurt you, because they care about you. It's likely that they don't see it as a big problem, or they wouldn't be teasing you.



Seeing a psychologist is a great idea, because then you can get a little help in discovering that you are not different or worthless. You're just like the rest of us, beautiful, special and occasionally unable to see that. Good luck.

Answer 3

Honey, whether you know it or not, you are fighting to KEEP your dignity. Go to a dept. store (make an appt) and ask them to do a make-up job for you. They usually will do it for free.

Ask what hair style she thinks would look good on you. No one is 100% beautiful,and often the ones that LOOK like they are, have been short-changed in some other department - such as kindness, thoughtfulness, and humility. Do the best you can to concentrate on how to treat others (friendly, (not nosy) with respect and show interest in them. I'll bet you if you took every single person in the world who looks good to you, stripped them naked..they wouldn't look so hot. I have seen too many heavy girls get an "attitude" and be snotty. Don't do that. Accept yourself for who and what you are. As you get older, people won't judge you so much on that. Try reaching that doctor again. You rushed out of there because you think you don't want to hear what she has to say. Don't second guess what she's going to say....just listen after you explain yourself.

Answer 4

Remember that loving begins within. Everyone has their own perfection. You may not like a guy because of his hairy chest, but another girl will simply love the hair on the chest. Beauty is truly an individual thing and depends on each person.



There will always be someone who is looking for a girl who is just like you, and there will be others who don't.



You can always work out at home, or take a walk. Remember gyms didn't always exist and there are home workouts that you can use.



Just know that there is only one version of you and that you have a special place in this world, whether you are aware of it or not at the moment.



Take care

Answer 5

I don't really believe that you want any one to feel sorry for you and I am the last person that will. You have to want to change if that is what I am hearing. First you have to take the bull by the horns and set goals and deadlines to meet those goals. This is the first step in getting to where you want to be. Don't do it for the upcoming new year do this for yourself. First plan your work then work your plan you have a long way to go and plenty of time to get there. If you want to let me know how you are doing you can contact me through yahoo answers.

Good luck, I care about what happens to you. There are exercise videos at the library.

Answer 6

Stop being so hard on yourself! You must live in California. You WILL lose weight if you want to. Stop being your own worst enemy. Stop the self pity. Stop all that negativity. Start burning more calories than you consume. You don't need a health club to do that. Slowly but surely, everything is going to work out! Merry Christmas!!!

Answer 7

When You look good, you feel good. Your problem is your weight. Cut your food intake down to 1200 cals and make it low fat and healthy, only drink water, and walk for an hour a day.