My 18 year old son broke down crying because his girlfriend of 3 years left him. What can I do to help him?

Question

My 18 year old son is in his first year at the local community college here in Scottsdale. He just recently graduated high school, and he has been with his girlfriend for the last 3 and a half years through high school. They were pretty much inseparable, went to high school dances, his baseball games, the prom together, etc. However, today he came home (he is still living with us until he transfers to University) and was in a pretty bad mood, started yelling saying things weren't fair, and he never did anything to deserve this. I finally got him to calm down and sit down and explain to me what he was talking about, and that's when he just lost it. My son just absolutely broke down in tears crying saying his girlfriend broke up with him and that she didn't want to be with him because she has found someone else who can make her happier. He told me she barely gave him a reason, and that he tried asking her what he did wrong to her and she just told him it was over. I honestly didn't know what to say to my son about this, except tell him that love hurts sometimes and that everything will be ok. I just let him cry it out on my shoulder and just held him. I felt so helpless because he was crying so hard and loud.

My wife has been trying to make our son happy all night, and get him to open up a little or maybe call his now ex-girlfriend and just try and talk to her, but he said no, he is too upset. I personally think he should maybe let her go. I don't want my boy hurt anymore. I couldn't stand seeing my son cry like that. I felt so helpless for him and it really broke my heart. I want to make him feel better and try and get his mind off this, but I'm worried its to soon. He's just been acting all depressed, not wanting to do anything and just laying either on the couch or on his bed crying. He hasn't been able to sleep tonight either. I want my son to feel better, but I know its going to take time. It's breaking my heart seeing my only son this upset and depressed too. He really seems to still be in love with her and I don't think he's going to get over her for awhile. I don't know how else I can help him. This was his first really serious relationship too. Any suggestions as to how I could help him feel better other than what I've already done?

Answer 1

That's a sad situation. I think the most important thing is not to push him too hard. Give him a week or so to start to come to terms with it. He probably doesn't want to do anything much right now. Just comfort him - do things he enjoys, take him to ball games, cook him nice food and generally look after him. He will get over it, it might take months or even years, but in just 2-3 months he'll probably be fine most of the time. Until then, just look after him, don't have a go with him if he's being quiet or reserved or seems short with you.



Try not to tell him to "move on" or "just get over it" etc. as that's not helpful. Let him know that you're open to him coming to you to talk but don't bring up the subject yourself. He probably just wants someone to listen.



Have you ever been dumped yourself? Maybe tell him about that, how it felt, what you did etc.

Answer 2

A love is gone? There are lots of delicious potential lovers in the sun-kissed nearby of yours. You might try and arrange a nice home-feast, an evening or Saturday party, inviting some or many funny good people. As for the one love being gone or dead, we may be nourishing the great hope of sooner or later finding and electing a new one.The good old wise Romans use to say that "when a pope is dead we will be electing a new pope".



Anyway, in the world of ardent deeper emotions and attachments it is difficult, as if impossible, to resolutely involve logic without tears and much despair. But we do have to involve logic. Whenever our lover is fed up with us and wants to go elsewhere or be with somebody else, we may have to be ferociously reasonable and say good-bye and thank you for all the past good moments together.



Our vibrant life is inherently ferocious but our civilization and our poets have made us to forget that we may have to try and be like the proverbial astute good old fox for our own (better) survival. Then we will have to resolutely start thinking, or be told, that it is not of much avail to sit down and cry. We will have to try and promote new presence, new encounters among friends or good strangers. Sooner we may be finding ourselves in the glowing presence of a potential new lover that will wish a dreamy apotheosis of ardent cohesion with us.



A younger person might be exhorted to try and care more for the duties ahead, for experimenting in life for new experiences, for learning more. When you are diligently more daringly doing what you will love to do or are supposed to do (must do), in clever and perhaps much perspiring exertions, you will get admiration from others and a twin soul or soul's companion might start stepping nearer to you, more or less daringly trying and getting involved in your life, seeking constructive loving interactions, a dreamy synergy with you. Then all you will have to do will be to glowingly be consenting.



the idea or the instinct and the scope is that of trying and being present and proudly interactive at new events thus dreaming of creating, or more ardently adding up to, wonderful memories for a future.



Thus be it. May you all have chances of great good laughs in loving company or more sublimely all on your own.

Answer 3

Only time can heal. That's the answer.

But you must watch over your son. People in depression (especially teenagers) can often walk into the wrong pat such as oging to night clubs, drugs, and smoking.

Until he has gotten over it and move on, keep an eye on him. Be considerate and kind, but not spoiling him.



This is the besr advice I can give

Answer 4

get him 2 hang out with close friends an exercise an stuff cause hes heartbroken an ive been there an i still am but thats what helps me the most. he needs lots of laughs an people 2 cheer him up but give him time 2 calm down it shouldnt take 2 long.

Answer 5

Tell him it's very natural to feel hurt and that although it may not seem like it now, it will pass. Then suggest he head over to the forums at rsdnation.com , which have lots of men's advice regarding dealing with women and relationships, particularly learning to be good with women in general, rather than obsessing over one particular woman.

Answer 6

Just tell him you care, perhaps a hug.



And continue being a great DAD!



It Sounds like he's it shock with no closure.



Time heals many issues.



Best Wishes.



Mars Mission.

Answer 7

Wait 24 months...