Question:
please grade my paper! It is ment to be scary.?
2008-01-18 13:59:37 UTC
“Start with an empty canvas Sketch in broad outline the forms of Men, women, and children.” Meaning there are happy ordinary people. I thought of it as a family enjoying some lemonade in the warm sun. Just for that moment every thing seems perfect. Perfect weather, perfect day, and people with a perfect attitude. “Dip into the unconscious well of your own disowned darkness with a wide brush and Stain the strangers with the sinister hue of the shadow.” It’s the same people but this time they are different they are mean to each other. I thought of it as if maybe they were not sharing the lemonade and yelling and swearing at each other. The brother and sister are fist fighting, the mother and father are arguing loudly. Nothing is perfect any more. Attitudes have changed and so has the weather, in to a dark shade of grey. “Trace onto the face of the enemy the greed, Hatred, carelessness you dare not claim as your own.” The family that I had spoken of before are all turning into something…different, something bad. The family that was once having fun is now trying to hurt each other. The mother that is usually the one that protects the children, is now trying to hurt them. They have no consent for each other. They feel great hatred towards each other, to put it plainly, they don’t care. “Obscure the sweet individuality of each face. Erase all hints of the the kaleidoscope of every finite heart myriad loves, hopes, Fears that play through.” Their faces start to change from a straight face to an evil grin. Their teeth are sharper; the faces of the children swell up and start to expand. All they can say to each other is “I hate you! I hate you!” they stop and walk into individual corners. They all start to jerk around, their horns are growing in. They are large sharp and terrifying. They are now fully fledged demonic beasts. “Twist the smile until it forms the downward arc of cruelty. Strip flesh from bone until only the abstract skeleton of death remains.” Their evil grins quickly turn into frowns. They are now so intimidating, that they would make a full grown man wet him self. Then the fire happened. Uproars of massive fire burst onto the family. But they did not move; not even a little. Eventually their skin was burned off their bodies. They were just bones; walking dead. “Exaggerate each feature until man is Metamorphasized into beast, vermin, insect. Fill in the background with malignant Figures from ancient nightmares –Devils, demons, myrmidons of evil. When your icon of the enemy is complete you will be able to kill without guilt, Slaughter without shame. The thing you destroy will have become merely an enemy of God, an impediment to the sacred dialectic of history.” But the family was not done changing yet. They went back into their corners. They all at the same time crumbled into piles of bone and ash. Then they started to rebuild again, but this time they were something totally different. They had become something so disgusting, so vile, so sinister; the even the devil him self would through back. They had become some sort of beast like cock roach. With and 100 eyes, giant teeth. It has gotten dark fast and the over size cock roaches were hungry. They went to the city, and found some one that they later killed with out caring. Then another, and another, so on and so on. They had no cares for any thing else but them selves.
Thirteen answers:
2008-01-18 14:18:31 UTC
I think that the overall plot was good. I liked the idea of the story and the characters' metamorphasis. It was slighlt disturbing but in a good way. The vocabulary was outstanding but you were slightly repetative. If you are in high school I would give you a B but if you are older a C and if you are Ny younger an A. Good luck with your story.
2008-01-18 22:02:26 UTC
Start by breaking it into paragraphs. Seeing a big block of words like that IS scary, but it's probably not what you're going for.
Jodie R
2008-01-18 22:14:30 UTC
sounds like maybe what a killer would have in there mind. or what would happen in a movie scary. I prefer cartoons but i respect your writing. check out the new will smith movie. it is great. freaking but in some ways could happen.
Hellow
2008-01-18 22:02:27 UTC
interesting i give it a 100+
hannah
2008-01-18 22:06:15 UTC
wow, i found this essay very well - written and with a lot of meaning behind it.



well done! 99%
2008-01-18 22:05:18 UTC
is this a painting or a paper? i thought it was okay.. but if thats word for word it kind of difficult to understand
2008-01-18 22:10:40 UTC
It was really good. maybe an A orB+
maaallliii ♥♥
2008-01-18 22:02:46 UTC
LOOOVE IT. A+. AND IM NOT JUST SAYING THAT TO GET THE 10PTS..I DONT CARE IF U GIVE IT TO ME OR NOT..I JUST REALLY ENJOYED READING THIS.THANKS.



oh sorry i was in caps *******
Jimmy L
2008-01-18 22:02:35 UTC
c+
Nazni84
2008-01-18 22:03:22 UTC
You are right it is scary....B Plus
2008-01-18 22:02:21 UTC
I spose it's ok, C
2008-01-18 22:02:58 UTC
UMM I WOULD SAY B+ GOOD JOB!!(;
2008-01-18 22:05:16 UTC
D


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