I'm so afraid of this happening, what can I do?

Question

I really love mom. I've always been very scared of losing her love. Ever since I was a child I've needed to constantly be with her, I can't even be in another room in the house (I sleep in my own room though). The reason for this is because I'm afraid she'll think I don't love her. Whenever my dad isn't home or is in another room she says he doesn't love us, so I assume she would think the same if I wasn't with her (plus, when my friends call she gets upset if I take more than a minute to say bye, but politely explaining to them that I can't talk takes a couple minutes sometimes).

Also, I constantly am working to ensure that she loves me. I neglect my own life to do chores (I choose to do them) and to be with her. I stopped even seeing my friends outside of school a few years ago.

My mom told me once she would love me no matter what. But rather than making me feel better that made me feel worse, because I felt like she really meant that as long as I don't change she'll love me (I've never done anything to get in trouble, I don't ever talk back and I always listen). It's just that she'll randomly yell at me, quite often, and she gets really annoyed with me just for talking so I don't feel like I can just live my life and still be loved.

Just hanging out with her is becoming too much to handle, because I'm so afraid that I'll mess up and that she won't love me anymore. However, I can't not hang out with her or I still lose her. No matter what I do I don't think it will ever be enough.

I can't talk to her, because my family doesn't discuss things and then I'll end up really being hated.

I don't know how else to describe this, but the main thing right now is that I just can't be around her anymore (not because I don't want to be) because whenever I am I want to cry since at any moment I could just say something wrong and make her not love me.

It sounds really psycho of me, but it's real to me. And, despite what my mom said I know that if I were to mess up I wouldn't be loved anymore (my siblings messed up years ago and they're "out," so I'm next).

What do I do, please? And, do you have any advice for me? Thank you very much!

Answer 1

The only way to love anything is to know that it may be lost.

Answer 2

I know that you love your mom. But when you are around her, does she lie to you? Has she ever lie to you? Probably not. If she says she loves you and always will, she does. Every mother loves their child. If she doesn't want you, why does she still have you? She has been with you your whole life, and she loves you. You are paranoid. You are older than me, and you can't leave her side. You should trust your mom. She loves you. You should try to get some alone time. Go in your room for about an hour and listen to music. Watch T.V. Do something without your mom, and afterward, if it's not the end of the world, then confront your mom. Tell that you know she'll always love you. I wish you and your mom the best. Hope I help!!!

Answer 3

I don't know what your age is but from what you write it strikes me that your attitude is typically that of a slowly maturing teen. The answer is that your Mom will always love you even when you behave wrongly. This is the nature of Mother-Love, its unconditional. So on this score there is no obligation on your part to be richly deserving of it, although a bit of giving is not a bad thing!



Father-Love is conditional and is quite likely to be invisible even if it is still there. If he treats you poorly or badly it could be for a reason that has nothing to do with your behavior, but is due to other serious matters affecting him. You must be tolerant of this and not try to use your mother as if she had to apply the kind of discipline that might otherwise should come from a father figure. This expression of mother-love is not natural although it occurs more often than we would wish in many homes. Mothers can get to be very compulsive, especially when the father-influence is weak or missing. If you feel this its time to start making plans to be independent.



I feel that there is a good possibility that you will not accept some of the above and if your life continues to be difficult, then I would advise that you discuss it with a clinical psychologist/psychiatrist.

Answer 4

Wow that is a mouth full. First off your mom says that your dad doesn't love you guys when he is gone or not in the same room if he is abusive or very aggressive then no he is just controlling and is mentally sick.

If he isn't then your mom is. NO one has any business saying a dad does not love his child. those who do are either extremely sexist or very mentally disturbed. Next your worry over your mothers love is misplaced you could be out getting into trouble that won't change there love for you you are there child that grants you an eternal place in there hearts. They may not trust you and take your word with a grain of salt but that is Pretty much standard for a teenager.

If this feeling continues after you do some deep thinking. then you yourself may have a problem and need help. I know my parents love me but I would never put it past them or anyone to think i'm a waste of space. difference there. how much they love to how much you are respected. you aren't fighting for love that is given to you freely you have to fight to be respected. and don't worry about the worlds respect i would say parents as well but that would go against what i think of myself. but you want your mom to respect you i've never had a dad so i don't know what that is like. But do things not to prove love but to develop yourself.

Answer 5

Wow... first of all I just want to say that it sounds like you're worrying a great deal about this and for that I feel a lot of sympathy for you.



It sounds like both you and your Mom have a few wrinkles that perhaps you both need to work out. There's this concept called co-dependency and it sounds very like what you're describing. Often counselling can help (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) might be particularly useful). There are certain ideas, beliefs and thoughts that it sounds like you and your Mom both have which are not helping either of you to live a peacful, happy life very much.



Counselling, especially CBT, can help people to identify the thoughts, beliefs and ideas that they have which are not helpful and to change those thoughts, beliefs and ideas. It doesn't mean that there's something "wrong" with you, or your Mum, just that you've learned to behave and react to situations in a way which may not be particularly helpful and may make you unhappy. It is possible to change these behaviours, though.



I'd suggest that you look at Counselling services in your area to see if you might be able to help yourself to start thinking in a more helpful, less unhappy way. You can suggest that your Mom does the same, but ultimately we can all only have responsibility for our own selves and so your Mom may or may not feel comfortable with changing.



Good luck - your post is so very full of sadness that I really hope you work things out to be more happy very soon.

Answer 6

No unquestionably, i'm especially specific approximately what's going to ensue after loss of life. that's going to be similar to the way it exchange into earlier we've been born unquestionably, that's going to be an limitless void of nothingness that's a much greater ideal option than the after existence

Answer 7

Well, this is a very tough one...

So if you talk to her and say something wrong, she won't love you? That's very strange... But I also noticed you said that you stopped seeing your friends a long time ago? That can't be healthy at all... You need to spend equal time with everyone in your life.

Answer 8

You need to let go a bit. I know you're afraid of losing her, but if it happens it happens, and it isn't your fault. If she meant she'll love you no matter what (which she should) then she'l forgive you if you make a mistake. You need to give yourself more of a life or you will go crazy, and if your mom does stop loving you, you'll have something to fall back on.

Answer 9

Well the best you can do is show her that you love her. Care for her, when she is upset cheer her up. this happened to me too before my mom died and well i was just super nice to her. You don't need to always be in the same room as her all the time just make sure you love her alot and don't ber afraid to show it.

Answer 10

No offense intended, but I'd suggest you see a mental health professional. If you can't bear to be in a different room from your mother, then it sounds like you have some issues to resolve.

Answer 11

Your dad needs to get with the program ask him why he ignores the family.

This causes problems throughout life,that without change does true damage.You need to have your own life too.Your mom needs to get with dad to find out what the trouble is.

Answer 12

actually this is normal, but, your mom needs to have other friends not just you. you may be hampering her from getting other people in her life if she is getting everything from you

and likewise, you are never going to have other fulfilling relationships if you are constantly worried about your mom



you BOTH need to see a therapist, and to cut the umbilical cord



you need to grow

she needs to grow up

Answer 13

i think you and your family need some counciling. thats not a put down sometime even the best families need some outside advice. try speakin to a teacher about your problem

Answer 14

this is not healthy for you and your mom

shes a adult who constantly mopes around her daughter and she is supposed to be the strong one..

instead you are and that's a big reverse spin in a mom and daughter relation ship

Answer 15

Write a book.

Answer 16

Talk to someone who knows the answer