How to stop feeling guilty after cutting off toxic family members?

Question

I had to cut my entire family off last year. In short, all my life, my father used me as his personal ATM. I kept giving and giving but it was never enough,. When I couldn’t give, he’d emotionally blackmail me. My mom always saw me as a rival and keeps putting me down because somehow, she hates when people compliment me but not her. My siblings are just as manipulative and selfish. I often wondered if I were adopted. The one good person in my life was my grandpa but he died 4 years ago, which broke my heart. When my folks divorced I moved out as soon as I turned 18, put myself through college and landed a prestigious career as a lawyer. My family kept emotionally manipulating me into giving them money ( it’s all they care about, even though they have decent jobs, they like spending my money). I got fed up and told them off.
They responded by ganging up on me and giving me the silent treatment – a tactic that worked in the past, but not anymore. I ignored them as well. My mom still leaves nasty messages on my voicemail, saying God will punish me. I know I did the right thing but sometimes I still get anxiety, especially at night, wondering why they hate me so much, missing my grandpa. My fiancé, who is the love of life, tries his best to help me heal but it’s hard sometimes. How can I feel complete indifference towards them? I do not plan to ever reconcile with them as they are not worth it.

Answer 1

with a family like that who needs enemies. dont always question yourself it sounds sadly from the sounds of things, that you made the best decision...you gave them every opportunity and gave everything par your blood to them..if they want you back its their turn to do more than prove it....until that change comes i would keep your distance and carry on with your own life, godbless.

Answer 2

There is a lot of manipulation going on, I truly believe that your family loves you dearly, I know it may not seem like it but they do.



Often Moms do get jealous of daughters but don't read too much into it, it is really normal. I think you need a therapist, often we all do. The reason your mom says God will punish you is because she really wants a relationship with you. You do need to speak with the family but from a distance, if your mom leaves you messages she is reaching out to you (maybe not in the right way) but be grateful because some parents never call their children.



Honestly I think you should bend a little, I know your family is a major challenge but use the phone but first agree with your mom " no talking about the past" (if they can do that then great just have a normal conversation)



I know you have given a lot financial ( i was in a similar situation) but don't let $ ruin your family.



Use the phone and when things get better you can start to visit slowly. I would slowly get back with the family but from a distance



As for money, I have a rule, If I can afford it I give... even though i have been used often I still give as long as I can afford it. Yes this will cause you to be used but as long as it is not hurting your pockets..give anyway.



You cannot feel indifference towards them, they are your family, be bigger than them and bend

Answer 3

What you have, is trauma. You have trauma from this situation that is still unresolved because you haven't identified it yet as trauma. You have to take some time for yourself, tell yourself things will take as long as they are going to take to get over this stuff. You will eventually realise that all the crazy stuff they have done is all things they have done, which you know deep down, but the guilt trip guilt will stop in a while and you will realise how terrible they were. Here's a link that really help me through :) Anytime you need to talk, your welcome to pm me :)

Answer 4

I think you should the a kind of court in your head with you being both judge and lawyer.

try to think of reasons why you cut them off and why it was a bad thing to do.

compare your arguments and than make a judgment.



guilt is a feeling of having done harm to others.

first of all the have good jobs

and second of all they blackmailed you.

so there is no reason to feel guilty



you did no harm to them

but they did harm to you.



with all due respect your mother knows nothing about god.

the bible says "you shall not steal"

blackmail is stealing someones right to choose.



good luck.

and please don't feel guilty about what you've done

Answer 5

Don't feel guilty because they don't fee guilty to exploit you and to extort you, on the contrary: it makes them feel powerful.