My girlfriend has asperger's syndrome. How do I deal with it?

Question

My questions are twofold.

1. I know she has AS, but sometimes getting a point across or a question answered gets really frustrating. For instance, I ask one question, and she answers a different one. Then she gets frustrated because I am still trying to get my question answered. What can I do to get her to understand what I am really trying to say?

2. She doesn't want my parents to know about it yet. Sometimes, though, the symptoms or effects of her AS come out in random outbursts. She also acts in a childlike way around them sometimes. My parents notice the odd behavior and I am afraid that they are going to confront me about it. I can't lie to them, but I can't betray my girlfriend's trust either. To top it all off, my brother has a degree in psychology, and he knows a little bit about AS. How should I deal with these possible confrontations?

Answer 1

I'm an aspie too, and I know I drive my boyfriend crazy sometimes.



First off, questions have to be very blunt and to the point. Subtlety is lost on us. Her answering a question other than what you asked could be her misinterpreting the question, or maybe you're asking more than one question at a time? We don't get as offended as easily as most people, so if you have to be a little rude to get a point across or ask a question, do it--just make sure you let her know that you're not trying to offend her beforehand.



I can understand her not wanting your parents to know about it. I still haven't told my mom (I'm 23, and I don't live with her), and I don't know if I ever will. Even though your parents know her, finding out about somebody's "disorder" can change their opinion of her, and this is probably what she's worried about. The people I'm close to and live with know I'm an aspie, and they accept and understand me for the most part, but there are still some times where they will completely discount good qualities I have as just being a "symptom." I'm more than autistic, I have a personality and strengths too, but if somebody knows about AS, then they'll dismiss everything about me and explain it with my diagnosis.



You should find out why she doesn't want your parents to know, and if it's because she's afraid that they'll think less of her, you can try to expose your parents to some positive stories about Asperger's before you tell them (with her permission, of course.) If they watch TV, they might be familiar with America's Next Top Model, and the most recent season had an aspie on it, and she actually did really well.



Here's a news story about her: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/04/health/04well.html?ref=health&pagewanted=all



You brother's degree in psychology doesn't necessarily mean anything. I have a degree in psych too, and I didn't find out I had AS until after I'd graduated.

Answer 2

I have aspergers syndrome, I was diagnosed when I was 14... I know I have it, I know the things I do that are from aspergers... like having the same food in the same bowl with the same spoon every morning otherwise I just won't have breakfast... I can't read emotions or body language or voice either... its not as bad as you think... Just pay attention to the chosen words and don't choke on it, think about it before acting... learnt after awhile... and ps... medication doesn't help at all...

Answer 3

Just remember AS is a neurological disorder and NOT a disease or chemical imbalance. It affects their social development. Most people with AS are able to function on a normal level, date, marry and have children. It requires a lot of patience, support and love. If you really love this person, you should be there for her, support her in any possible way and be patient with her. As far as your parents go, they need to understand that AS is not something psychological that they need to worry about. We have so many f*cked up people that are walking around heavily dosed on psychiatric drugs, those are the ones you should be worrying about, you never know who the next shooter is going to be. If I were you, go to your local library and get educated on this, find ways you can help her. Being a single mother of an AS child has taught me so many things I couldn't possibly would have without my AS child. You could never tell he has AS, he acts just like any other child, does things that other children do, he has a passion what he does, especially science and math; he is extremely smart, sometimes he acts shy and childish but its normal for his condition. A lot of people are shy and act childish and they are okay!

You know, some say Albert Einstein and Isaac Newton were considered to have Asperger Syndrome.



Also read-very important: http://www.scn.org/autistics/relationships.html

http://rarediseases.about.com/cs/aspergersyndrome/a/041003.htm

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/3766697.stm

Answer 4

My dad and son have aspergers and realizing it puts alot of things in perspective in regards to their behavior. If your parents don't seem to notice or question it, why tell em? Otherwise telling may put their mind at ease knowing there's a technical term for the outbursts and seemingly uncaring disposition. It's not like she has the plague.

Answer 5

She needs to be proud of what she is . She needs to accept who she is . You should help her to come to terms with telling your parents.. and learn as much about A.S. as is humanly possible, if you want the relationship to last .



I have a 16 yr. old son with A.S.... What a long strange trip it's been . And it ain't over yet!!



By the way ,I was a stay at home parent with my son until he was 11 yrs. old .... and he's doing verywell ,now

Answer 6

since your brother is older and more knowledgeable and trustworthy you may want to talk to him before confronting with your parents. It would be easier and your parents shouldn't care to much because if they truly love you they will want what you want and you want to be with your girlfriend so they should want you to be with her.