2009-07-26 22:03:18 UTC
Here's the deal. So I THINK I have a dry or sarcastic sense of humor. Also, a randoim one about half the time and things like that. The thing that is getting me down, is that even though now I have learned to cope without anti-depresants and feel happy, I think the anxiety is really getting to me.
For example, idk why but now Im so self conscience. And I hav everything goin for me too. A sense of humor (or used to) that keeps all around me laughing, along with a sexy physique and all. Im a 17 year old male. I constantly have girls which are at the very least cute, if not, somtimes hot, lookin at me or "hollering" if you will... But, idk, I have everything going for me but now I think my anxiety is gettin the better of me.
Its like now I have to try so damn hard to make my friends laugh, which I love more than anything in the world, evn moreso than sex, becuz I just love to be around my friends, and when they have a good time, caused by me, I have a great time as well, and feel, well, great.
And idk what it is. Lately, I have just felt "off" in my sense of humor. It seems that the mor uncommon sides of my sense of humor are comin out, becuz obviously, those are the easiest to understand, and Im just not "quick" enough to use my dry, wity humor anymore (if thats EVER what it trully was).
I think its from the anxiety. I think it all started just a few weeks back, when 1 day, (since alottt of my humor and remarks sprout from wats goin on around me), I just was not in the grove. I thought, on that day, "**** man, I really am having trouble keeping my friends entertained", and things along those lines.... So, at that, I began to actually try. Just nothing was flowing the way I wanted it to. OR, maybe I WAS doing everything right, and using my usual sense of humor, ibn the sense I called out things and made remarks about them as I see them.... But maybe those particular things were not the "right" things to make my friends laugh..... So, with all this, and more, going through my head, just day to day, I keep thinking the same thing. I just want to find myself again. Im a really sensitive guy, and my sense of humor and bringing hapiness/laughter to those around me, even if they arent good friends, means the most to me. When I cant have that, I seriously feel like crying. I feel like now, since I have been so "off" (and I hope to God it is from anxiety, causing me not to be able to think straight) that every time I go out to see my frends, that Im presentin myself as a diferent person. I hate this and I just want to be myself again.
Im going to see my therapist again for the 1st time in a year tomrw. I hope that helps. I am also going to start to learn to meditate to relive my stress from my mind. My good friend is into that. Do you think these things will help?
Also, like I said before, I have no problem at all hooking up with even a hot girl. But so many of them bore me. Then (around the time that I started to feel "off"), I met this cute chick that I am really into.
Now, if I cant or dont hook up with her, its obviously not the end of the world. But the point is, for whatEVER girl I come across that is into me for my personality (mainly sense of humor), I dont wabnt this to happen again, or for this situation to repeat itself or gradually rear its ugly and gay head. I just want to be me again. Or at least to have my sense of humor again.
Examples of my sense of humor: (things I have actually done or said)
My friend and I were at skateshop, and we were watching his board together. Meanwhile, the guy who was putting the board together was teaching a new employee how to also, and was showin each step. During that, I see a helmt on the counter and in a totally serious face and deliverance, I go "Oh yea where does this part go?" taking the board and trying to attac the helmet to it. All while not showing any emotion yet waiting for others to get it. 2 out of 3 people did ha.
Or (and I know that these two aren't very dry if dry at all, as they are sillier than anything. Im usually a bit more dry but cant think of anything)
Or like another time:
Me and my bud were at mcdonalds, this baby was standing in front of us, pry about 2 years. He just staring at us so I started makin him laugh his little baby butt off and was making cute funny faces at him and being all happy and "smiley" towards him. Then after he turned away, I turn to my budy with all seriousness, let the smile fade, and go, "I think that guy wants to fight me, Im gonna fight him" or said somethin like "u see the look that guy gave me, im gna beat his ***” (said dryly of course)