How do you deal w. a shy guy w. a bruised ego?

Question

he's been working at his job for more almost four years; he had the oppurtunity to get promoted and has been filling in for his former boss'. all his hard word didn't get any recognition and just realized he won't get promoted. He's SOO disappointed. He's not calm yet deeply deeply angry and hurt. I don't know how to deal w. this. I don't want to push him but I want him to know i'm there.

We haven't talked/hung out in 3 weeks b/c he said he's been "slammed with work". He asked to hang out yesterday b/c he said he was "bummed". We had a long conversation about his career goals and asking me his opinion about job choices.

I don't want to sound selfish but he's mentally and physically distant from me. A guy told me that even if he may be interested in a girl, if this job was something important to him, then that's the only thing on his mind.

Diagnosis?

Answer 1

Someone can't be there for someone else if the unhappiness the person needs to express can't be handled by that person. Obviously if the guy is deeply hurt and angry over what's happening, he needs an outlet, but he isn't simply going to turn on the emotional hose if he thinks (or has been taught) that either its guy inappropriate or simply not something people want to know about.



People who deal with things on their own do so because of their low level of trust in being able to share it with others. And you can't build up trust with this guy if your motives are doing double duty. You can't comfort him and try and seduce him at the same time. The guy will detect something 'fishy' and respond to is as you being insincere (their past history of mistrust) rather than you being comforting.



Also, if you are trying to 'push' him towards a certain type of relationship, that isn't going to help him now either. Since he just got 'pushed around' at work, he isn't going to respond positively to someone who is trying to 'work' him over in his downtime. What he wants and needs is validation of his work and his sense of self, so unless a brownie is how he sees himself or rewards himself, that isn't going to be much of a help right now.



If you want to get him a gift, get him something that validates his inner self. Don't do something like a 'consolation' prize, do something htat encourages the hidden part of himself. If he's always wanted to drive a certain car, you can get him something related to that. If he's had his eye on a certain movie that's coming out, make sure he gets one of the first copies. What you want to emphasize is 'yeah, this is bad, but there is always tomorrow for it to get good. Here's an example of it.' Its not about comforting or rewarding loss, its about keeping one's eye on the prize. And the more you help him keep his eye on his prize, the more you assist him in that, the more likely he will come to depend upon you for that comfort, and the more he'll see the difference between you and other 'girls'.



The way to a person's heart is through their ego.

Answer 2

Oh, where to start? First of all, guys aren't big on sharing their emotional thoughts. Most guys think they're expected to be tough and strong and not let anything bother them, not even being passed over for a promotion for which they're well qualified. Just the fact that this guy DID share with you means he trusts you with his feelings, and that's a MAJOR thing.



The person who told you that the job is more important (right now) than a girl is right. Men have pretty much one-track minds. Women can handle several mental or emotional things at once.



Send your guy the brownie and the "hang in there" note. He'll love it, even though he might not be able to express it. Hang on to the DVD and play it when you're together. Just make sure that you hang in there too. Guys are weird sometimes, but this guy is into you, when his mind allows it.

Answer 3

Guys focus on winning income and being respected, whereas gals focus more on social interaction and being loved.



You will earn his attention by simply being with him while he's working on his car, fishing, or talking about his work, and asking genuine, intelligent, feeling questions.



You might try reading "For Women Only" and "For Men Only," by Shaunti Feldhahn, and "Soul Mates and Twin Flames," Elizabeth Clare Prophet, then handing him/discussing with him "For Men Only" when he's "got some spare time."

Answer 4

If he's in his 30's than which would be advantageous, locate out what else he enjoys and is smitten by and concentration on that, whilst he's bummed and needs to talk permit him vent in basic terms be there to hearken to and smile, he will notice your smile if no longer suited away then for confident after he vents. communicate approximately issues to get his ideas of artwork, that's what's bumming him out no longer you, he enjoys your organization, he for sure likes you if he can communicate approximately it to you. whilst issues are undesirable are artwork and he does not have time to talk, in basic terms comprehend that and supply him in spite of area he desires. i'm the comparable way, i'm shy and whilst issues are undesirable i certainly do no longer communicate approximately it one by way of fact i shop issues to myself and continuously think of of those issues so everybody who can get my ideas of my problems is somewhat particular to me. i like whilst human beings will tell me a humorous tale that got here approximately to them presently, and not tutor they have sympathy in the direction of me in my time of desperation seeing it is whilst i decide directly to realize out and perhaps he's the comparable the place that is stressful for him to believe human beings, yet as quickly as he does his ideas-set and outlook will replace and could tutor you a lot of love.