how do you beat the type of very low self esteem where you think good looking people are to good for you ?

Question

you feel unworthy, worthless.

sadly all my life ive struggled with severe low self worth, i suffered alot of bullying ( mental and pyhsical but more mental ) through out my life- i know now this is where my feelings of deep inferiority and severe low self esteem come from..

im terrified of rejection, and that unfortunatly is what always happens to me - i wish it didnt..

i get to clingy with people....act desperate, un self assured, stuck to make any conversation...wear my insecurities on my sleeve....and before long people back off from me and i dont hear from them again..

i dont have the social skills to know how to act different..

im working with the mental health services right now, im waiting for therapy.

sadly ive missed out on ever being employed not getting any qualifications, never making any relationships....because ive had so many problems throughout my life..

im 30 now , live alone in a apartment on disability, i own hardly no possession except a old computer

Answer 1

Start eating healthy. Eat fresh fruits and vegetables, fish and poultry. Avoid red meat. Drink plenty of water. Exercise! You can do push-ups and crunches at home ...free.



Check out Dale Carnegie books, programs and workshops.



Do volunteer work. Like serving juice and cookies at a blood bank. Volunteer work will make you feel better because you're giving back to the community ... and it's a chance to network and meet people.



Meet more people by taking a class or two at a community collage.

Answer 2

I think a lot of people have suffered with low self esteem at some point in their lives, I know i have and still do from time to time.

I say this to a lot of people and i say it to you. You are who you are Hun, if people don't like you or accept you for who you are then they are not worth bothering with are they?

Your clinging to people is because you feel insecure and you want reassurance that's all, and we all want reassurance from time to time, it makes us feel wanted, that's normal to feel that way.

The people that bullied you are nobodies. They are the ones that had a problem and not you..

Having no qualifications doesn't necessarily mean you won't get on in life. You can go to college and learn even now at your age, you can improve your education. Doing this you will meet new friends also.

It doesn't matter how many possessions you own either, owning loads of stuff doesn't make a person you know, just because you don't have a lot doesn't make you different.

There are lots of people who don't own a lot, it's no big deal so don't dwell on it.

Remember talking is the best way to release your tensions etc, don't be afraid to let go.. I think you will find people that will help you and not desert you.

Good Luck..

Answer 3

I think I can help you somewhat...but you have to understand that you can never be perfect or you can't match what you idealy want to be like.



Here is my background, I was born with light features( blue eyes, white skin and blond hair) in a culture thats olive/brown skinned....unfortunately I got molested by my neighbour when I was a kid. My dad was a sociopath/psychopath that beat me and terrorized me daily like you wouldnt believe. I was a short and skinny kid so I got beat the **** up at school and I didnt even know how to defend myself at all, worst of it...got a black eye from a girl two grades below me and I never heard the end of for 7 years. So i am only telling you this to see where I am coming from, on top of that my dad was so strict on me that I never developed any social skills that you require to form strong relationships or meet new people.



lol so dont feel so bad man, there is always someone that has it better than you. I hit rock botton and i am not perfect yet but i am doing sooooo much better right now, even though i still have low self esteem but I am not depressed anymore.



THis is what I did:

1) got a university education

2) graduated and got a job, then paid for braces

3) took out a loan on my credit card so i can pay for a personal trainer.

4) whitened my teeth professionally

5) read books about improving myself

6) spend a lot of hours with a psychologist

7) I have a beautiful diet, eat very well

8) took salsa lessons to learn something new

9) got back into soccer, i excel at it and i am always the best player on the field, this boosts my confidence

10) took kickboxing lessons to defend myself

11) from my boxing, soccer and personal training...i opened up my own personal training business



So now I am doing 1000 times better, money in my pocket, my family is good and so are my friends. You have to accomplish things in your life that will make you feel good about who you are....I wont lie to you, i am not perfect and deep inside I still suffer but I can manage to wake up in the mornings.



I am going back to see another therapist because i have a low self worth when it comes to women. I still feel that i am not good enough for them no matter what. So you know what i do, i stay away from them cause they are my cryptonite man...they are my weekness. Also you shouldnt be a downer with your friends, they will reject you so only complain to a therapist.



what you should do is buck up and get a job. You get disability so keep it but get a job under the table and make like 2000 a month and save it. Then do what ever you need to improve yourself



peace

Answer 4

Really, mate, it's not their beauty that is the issue here. It's your confidence. You need to find something that makes you feel worthwhile - doesn't matter what. Volunteer in a dog shelter, or an old folks' home, or something - do something that will make you proud of yourself.



Once you've got that little thing down pat, the rest will fall into place. 90% of your interactions with other humans beings will stem from how you view yourself. Do the best you can, accept you have some flaws (we all do), and learn to like yourself anyhow.



If you're anywhere near Bristol, I'll upgrade your old computer ;)

Answer 5

Believe it or not, many people feel unworthy of others, and suffer dearly from low self esteem...somehow you need to overcome it by telling yourself that you love who you are, and p**** on the world,...be who you are, even it it was a mean, terrible person, the fact is, that you will find love some day...looks fade, and when that is gone, there best be something more to it than a pretty face, darling

Answer 6

I feel the same way, for at school kids made fun of me. I have curvature of the spine. I have few friends and know how it feels that other girls are so perfect. But, I feel we must all have a special place in life. Do you have any talents like drawing or something you can make something for people. Could you make crafts and give to older people? Find a way you can help older people. Make friends of some and just talk to them. Older folks get lonely also. They might offer you something.

Answer 7

First - and most important thing to remember.

Everyone feels like this sometimes - you just have to try to make yourself only feel like this sometimes!

Hard as it may be to recognise - most of the people on the street suffer from insecurities, self worth issues, self doubt, depression - even self hate.

The difference between you and them is that you are letting it rule your life.

Take hold of all your self issues and throttle them - start up again with an upbeat view.

If you think, look and act happy, other people perceive you as happy & fulfilled and reflect that back to you.

Try it. Smile at someone - bet they smile back.

Answer 8

All you life is spent in the valley...you must move toward the mountain.



Forget what you are...learn about what you can become.



To be weak is unattractive...to be strong is desirable.



The most respected scientist on the planet is totally paralysed and unable to speak.



The best rap artist ever is a white boy.



The men who landed on the moon had just seconds of fuel left before they touched down.



The most beautiful sight you will ever see...is undeniably impossible.





Low self esteem is a weak and stupid thing. Consider the many things of this world that are not!

Answer 9

Iam only talking first paragraph someone who you think is pretty or handsome someone else will think them ugly or yuck

You didnt need quaifications to get employment

Odea Iam waffling on just think of all the folk put themselves up for rejection in tv shows like the X factor,they know they are more likely win the lottery than win the X factor

Answer 10

i also think sometimes that people are to good looking for me,so i can relate to that,its just that we dont think enough of ourselves.if you have suffered a lot of bullying its going to affect you,keep working with the mental health services,i am sure the therepy will help,if not maybe you could take a social skills course at collage.dont be afraid,get out there and do it. it may bring other opportunities your way.e mail me any time.

Answer 11

Hey man... I can kinda sorta relate with you... i DID consider myself insecure or whatever but you have to realise life only happens once and if you're scared by rejection or your own petty hang ups your never going to get to experience the things in life people strive for (great friends/relationships/good jobs etc)



I know it's easy for me to say, you have this crippling social anxieny but the thing i can preach to you about is ATTITUDE and MOTIVATION... Only you can control these. Keep these positive - not really my thing but you should check out self-motivational books/videos stuff like that they really help people in your situation.



"beautiful people" that's stupid that you get really hung up on this. NEVER EVER place all your chips on this department. A really really wise friend of mine once told me (one day while she caught me checking myself out in the mirror about 10 times in a few hours - i can be pretty vain at times) You shouldn't focus on looks so much, you're going to lose them someday, you're going to get old and wrinkly and get fat and stuff. The most important thing that will keep people around you your whole life is your personality.



I suggest you focus on getting over your social stigmas and work on your personality. You can never lose that.



By the way, i know you're thinking negatively about your age - but you've got plenty of time to turn this around man.



good luck to you

Answer 12

I would cast fate to the wind and concentrate on how attractive those people are to me. I would find them exciting if they are good looking and not be concerned with myself at all. If they pick up on who I am, fine. If they do not pick on who I am, fine. Either way, I get to meet them, and maybe even speak or be with them for a little while.

Answer 13

you wont get your answers here.



people will tell you what they think, and some of their advise will probably be very good.



but that won't help you.



you got to pick yourself up, and start taking risks.

one day you will regret it, and you will die wishing you did.



theres nothing worse than that.



so go find a new hobby. go out to clubs. find people LIKE YOU, who are having social problems such as yourselves, and go out and do things TOGETHER. help each other out.



i dunno man, but you almost have to force yourself to change. being 30 with this problem means that the struggle will be harder for you, because youre so used to your ways, and bad habits are very hard to break.



put yourself out there TONIGHT. Go out and do something, make it a goal to talk to people.



search PICK UP ARTISTS on google. Many of them have books on how to start conversations with girls and stuff like that, one of the more popular ones is a guy named 'mystery'.



i usually wouldnt recommend that, but for you, i think it could help.



good luck

Answer 14

Wow, I am only fourteen. I have a very low self esteem. I can't even give people eye contact half the time.

Answer 15

You are here for a purpose, something only you can do. Hiding out and avoiding your life and all of us is not the answer. Love yourself, treat yourself great, and we will too. Believe it--you belong here and you have important work to do here.

Answer 16

you've had nothing but negativity and rejection in your life its no wonder your a virtual recluse



start small emailing online is going to be a lot easier than meeting face to face you can do that at a later stage when you start your treatment



it wont happen overnight but will need you to take the first steps



find one of these kind souls who has reached out to you, email them back, be honest with them about your predicament they will understand



all the best



edward



i will chat online with you if you want [e-mail]



i wont reach out to you, you reach out to me and ill catch you : )

Answer 17

You probably won't find the answer in this forum. Good luck to you- hope you can get what you need out of therapy.