How can I forget about tragic events and begin to think in a more positive state of mind?

Question

I feel as if I hold onto sadness and that I grieve the losses that others have along with them even when I did not personally know the person that had passed away. I'm 20 years old and have always been more of an emotionally weak person. I easily feel sadness for others as if it were my own tragic loss. Its become to the point where I can't think straight and it interferes with things like my studying. For example, the recent tragic incident at Sandy Hook Elementary has just left me so shocked and just speechless on how someone can take the lives of those innocent babies and the people that were there to protect them. My friends have told me that its all apart of trying to get things back to normal, but I can't wrap my head around how the parents must be feeling and how sad it is to think someone could unwillingly take the life of an innocent 6 year old child. If anyone reading this knows the families suffering from this, please know you have my condolences, love, and support. I may not have been directly impacted by this, but just like everyone else in Newtown, I feel as if I'm grieving as well. This leads to me to ask, how do you deal with tragic events and move on?

God bless. x

Answer 1

It's important to develop a distinction in your mind between these people and the rest of humanity.



The human soul, mind and spirit are all beautiful. I find meaning in my life everyday from the wonderful little things people do for me and for others. I look to people who change the world for the better and who devote their lives to helping others or helping a cause. After so long, I've learned to develop a separation in my mind between these truly courageous examples of human courage and compassion, which I feel are present deep-down in 99.9% of us, and the people who in my mind are just evil. They lack these attributes even in the most yielding sense and I don't know that I would even go so far as to call them human. For me, once I learned to see the good in humanity and understand that only a very small percent age don't possess such goodness on any level, it helped me to maintain a more positive state of mind.

Answer 2

It's simple, you accept it knowing that God has a plan for everything, anything happens with God's, if you believe in him, then you trust him so you know that life is a test, and he made that way emotionally to test you and see if you can still trust him and believe in him even in impossible tragic events especially when you know that this world is just the first part of the trip, the destiny wait for you in heaven if only you can be patient and keep your faith untouched and your goodness in your heart growing , you'll be rewarded and you'll see all those children in heaven by God's will.



Don't worry as long as you believe in God you'll always feel safe, and he will always be with you, helping you all the time just ask and you'll receive.



An other perspective to your situation make me think that you can do great social work in this world if you're so emotionally touched, then you must do something to rebalance your feelings, if you suffer from a terrible event you have to rebalance it on your own by doing something good to other people.

Your emotions are your strength not your weakness, as long as your heart is pure and not corrupted you'll always feel sorry for others and you'll always do great work to help people as much as you can, to rebalance your feeling, that shall be your truth, and that is your test in this life.

And God knows best, so ask him if you're lost.

Answer 3

Hi Kate,



You have an emotional type of personality, and you are empathetic.

Those are both gives, and you can be a help to a lot of people.

But there is only one way to not allow the sadness to be addictive and troublesome to you. You must discipline your thinking. The emotions are fueled, driven by the thoughts you think about situations.

Learn ways to stop your thinking over and over. A little thought is fine. Feeling bad is fine for those children. We all do. But being obsessive about it is not good for you.

Get this book, read it, do the exercises in it, stick with it and you will get help. "Ten Days to Self-esteem" by David Burns. (It's a practical do-it-yourself guide to cognitive therapy, good for all of us.)

Meanwhile, an exercise from the book:

When the thoughts occurs.

1. Write them down.

2. Pray for anyone whose hurting. (that's not in the book). Write down your prayer.

3. Next say to yourself. "STOP thinking about this." Get angry, mean it, be determined. Write this down too.

4. Substitute positive thoughts, even though you do not feel like it (the emotion will seek to continue and hang around. You will need to force the words.) Write any good this that could result from the situation. Say the words out loud (when alone). Say them with whatever feeling you can put into them.

Do this every time, as soon as you sense that you are indulging in the sadness too much. There can be a perverse enjoyment of sadness, but that can lead to depression.



Best wishes.