I am 23 years old and I am very shy person who cannot speak to other people in confident way.How can I improve

Question

I find myself not being able to express myself with confidence and feel helpless in very common situations such as to meet someone or even to buy something as common as a sweater or daily grocery items.I get afraid that the shopkeeper might cheat me or I might get bad quality.I have very few friends and speaking to a girl is as difficult as winning a war to me!I am a student of Hotel management and have to interact with people and it is so difficult for me.That's why I am losing hope that I would in any way become successful in career in this sector.What should I do?

Answer 1

Your question suggests you have social anxiety.



The first and easiest to tackle is the fear of being cheated. If you buy a sweater of poor quality it is not the shopkeeper's fault. You must accept responsibility for your choices. Choose one place to shop. Someplace preferrably where you have bought items you have liked before. You cannot be cheated in a store where prices are clearly marked, and change is counted back. When you grocery shop do the same thing. Pick one supermarket, shop there regularly. Make sure it is a store where prices are clearly marked and change is counted back.



I am not diminishing your fear. It is called social anxiety and I had it in spades. I couldn't make it to my telephone pole in front of my apartment building because I had let fear of what might happen take over my life, but I learned how to overcome it. The way is baby steps. That's right. One small step at a time.



Repetition (the same store, the same time of day, the same clerk) will help alleviate the fear of being cheated. By picking the store as I suggested you are not putting yourself in a situation where you can be cheated so your fear becomes an internal object not an external object. You are not really being cheated. You fear you could be. Admission is step one.



As you repeat your shopping in the same place around the same time, hopefully with the same clerks try step 2. Say to yourself this is okay. I'm in a safe place. Call it a safe place even if you don't feel safe. Just that one grocery store and that one other store you choose. Or just do the grocery store first. Fake it until you make it. Then your home and that store will be safe. Shopping there will be safe.



Step 3, go to that same store and today you will smile at that same clerk you see everytime you go there. Repeat. This may be quite some time. You must reach the feel safe stage first.



Step 4, smile and say hi. Repeat.

Step 5, smile and say hi how are you. Repeat.

Step 6, smile and say anything else. Repeat.



You are building your self confidence through these baby steps and second each time you succeed in a step you are reaching out and learning to interact with more people.



At school try some of the same things. Tell yourself you are safe in your classes. Hard in Hotel Management because they are throwing you in scenarios like real work but great. You have not locked yourself away in your house yet so don't let it get there. Try to pick one person in each class and try to talk with them. If you don't click try someone else. Simple stuff. Did you do your homework? What did you get for question 10? How did you like that assignment? You decide. It doesn't have to be personal stuff but you're interacting.



Finally, don't lose hope. You will succeed. Keep telling yourself that. Tell yourself that you are good at interacting with people. Reply to any questions. Try to start up a conversation (not personal) and fake it until you make it.



Pick up a little book of positive affirmations if you need help. Tape one to your mirror while you are getting ready for school or brushing your teeth the post it on the mirror will have a good message for the week.



I went to therapy with a psychotherapist who didn't believe in all this "it's your mother's fault stuff". He actually said it was more important to talk about day to day stuff and how to improve between each meeting. I'd tell him what I had a hard time doing and he'd give me the baby step to work on. Week after week it go easier.



I work with people everyday now. Getting those first words out are not always easy and I still use post its but you know what I'm doing great. I get more self confidence every day even now, when I talk to people. I'm great at my job I love it and I actually like working with so many different people now and they seem to like me.



People are saying I've changed so much and maybe I have but the real truth is I will always have to monitor myself to be sure that I am not falling back into my old patterns of telling myself that I "can't do this" or "this may happen". This is for life for me. Even though I have confidence now the price is vigilance so I don't backslide.

Answer 2

I was the same. Do things you think you can't. Take jobs that are stressful, but build character, even part-time college jobs. I was very shy, but took a job as a dogsled guide, went into law enforcement, and am now moving into management. I'm still a little rough, but just throwing yourself out there and building your confidence by building your resume (experiences) will also make you a more interesting person. And stand your ground. If you catch somebody cheating you or taking advantage, stand your ground. Your palms will sweat, you will be nervous, you may stammer and look stupid, but that is the only way you will not be so worried about being cheated is if you learn to spot when it's happening and take care of the problem. Stand your ground a few times, even though you may stutter and stuff may make you look foolish, but do a it a few times and you'll get better, whereas if you let people keep walking on you, you'll look foolish forever. You can do it. Finally, be interesting. Ask people about themselves. You can't go wrong, as that is what everyone want to talk about. Learn that art, and everyone will find you interesting.

Answer 3

When I was a kid I was very shy. At age 14

I got a job working in a lumber yard and

hardware store in my home town. I had to

serve adult customers, most of whom were

total strangers to me. It was difficult for me

but I gradually became more at ease with

strangers. By the time I was 18 and went

away to college I had improved a lot.



Based on my experience, I recommend that you

find some daily activity that puts you in contact

with strangers. Perhaps a part time job in a

school cafeteria or in a store serving customers.

Also, do not dwell on this situation. Train yourself

to avoid feelings that support your shyness.

Whenever the feeling comes, get them out.

I think you are not really afraid of people, but are

afraid of your own feelings. If you think I am right,

then do some work on yourself about that.

Good luck.

Answer 4

You really have low self confidence, & need to build yourself up. I'm afraid you won't want to hear it but - practice makes perfect. Before you put your self in a social setting you need to relax a bit an not stress about being out there. You will draw attention to yourself if you are a bundle of nerves. Just take a few deep breaths relax & be positive & be yourself. Don't try to be someone your not. If you are calm and receptive to people they will enjoy your company too. Take small steps & build up to more social settings as your confidence increases. Most of all believe in yourself & be positive. We all have our moments, you'll be fine. Just believe & get started.

Answer 5

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