How do you feel about people that let their mistakes haunt them for the rest of their life?

Question

When I first think about this question all that comes to mind is "It doesn't affect me" and continue to move on with my life, but I've been thinking a little more about it just out of curiosity.

If you're going to answer, please put your life aside for a second and put yourself in their shoes to get a clear understanding. I'm not trying promote sympathy for these people, I'm just curious about others SERIOUS input on the subject.

To be honest, this subject is making me pretty sad.

From my understanding you either have one of two types on this subject that are strongly related:

A: The people that never learn from their mistakes yet are capable of doing so.

and

B: The people that want to fix their mistakes but just don't know how, and never learn how to get out of their problems. The people that need help, but can't or don't know how to get it. The people ruled by bad influences, judgments, and horrible decision making skills.

Speaking about option B is the one I find sad. Life is a one time thing, and it's sad to see people that struggle and in the end die before they get the chance to live their lives. In some situations, solving a problem can be as simple as changing a mind state. However, a lot of people have proved that it's a lot more difficult than that, or harder to convince.

Anywho, besides it being a depressing subject, what's your take on things? Some people just can't be helped, even if they aknowledge that the help is there. Some people want the help that's there, but their other life problems interfere.

I guess all I'm really asking is if I'm the only one who finds it this depressing, and are there any words of reasurance. I grew up with a lot of problems and I understand where most of these people are coming from, but it's heart breaking to see people just like me who weren't as lucky as I was too get out of the cycle before it was too late.

Answer 1

You should be proud of yourself. Don't be depressed about others, that is something that you have no control over. I have made many mistakes in life and if I think about them my life couldn't move forward. I will hopefully not make them again and I will hope that I've a learnt a few lessons from them.

Answer 2

People that let their mistakes haunt them for the rest of their life, they should try and be more benevolently tolerant about themselves. Their mistakes did have a life of their own that was necessary for those people's further unfolding in life; without those mistakes their life might be worse than it now is, they might have done something worse, they might be dead by now, or in prison, or with some weird incurable illness.



Those errors were from tentative experiments that by having a life of their own escaped the control and the envisioned scope of the person that committed the errors, but they led on to unpredicted experiences that were constructive for the future.



Thus, then, no matter how things went, no matter how things were, instead of sort of pathologically indulging in regretting, people might resolutely decide for a vote, they might try and do so that in whatever they are doing, in whatever they will love to do or must do, they will ever more diligently be trying and working at building up, or more ardently adding up to, some good events and good memories for a future.

Answer 3

A someone who has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I will say that turning the page is not as evident as it may seem. There is the wound -- and then there is the festering of a wound. But even if we want to rid ourselves of painful memories or experiences -- even if one is willing to radical steps -- amputation is not a possibility.



In 12-Step recovery programs and elsewhere, the phrase "Let Go" is often offered as a panacea. But in one AA meeting, I heard this:



"I'm a Mohawk. I used to work in skyscraper construction. It's a gift our people have; to be able to walk without support on girders high above the ground. There's always fear, though. Sometimes it happens that one of the men will go from fear to terror. You'll find him, up on the 30th floor, clinging to a girder and he won't let it go. You could say anything to him, have his mother talk to him even -- but nothing will make him let go. The only way is to get an oxy-acetylene torch, cut the girder, and bring it and the man down together. So when people say "Let Go", I'm telling you that there are times when it is not so easy to do."



I add this to the other answers here, most of which are very good. But too often the glib and even sanctimonious attitude that passes for "Spirituality" these day reminds me of the Arabic proverb:



"No lions. So the donkeys are brave."



I would make this suggestion from my own experience: Look for those who are willing to listen, and fully. Rare as they may be, they are worth looking for; and the key to release is in the telling to someone who can understand, not judge or look at his watch. But be careful in your choices. Wolves will wear sheep's clothing.

Answer 4

We all get upset about things. Heck i am pissed off now about having broken my arm. All I think about is damnit why did I take that stupid ramp I wasn't ready! Now I can't surf, snowboard, or do any of the crap I like. But i realize that this experience will allow me to build my character as you did as well. Could I get back to smoking pot and doing nothing productive all day? NO WAY. Because I realize I don't wanna let this incident ruin my life.

Sure we all have that friend we feel sorry for because they can't give up that experience or incident. And yes it is normal to try and help and feel sorry for that friend. You must realize that this is what life is about. Life isn't math it doesn't always give you a definite answer.

Answer 5

realise that we are all only human and every single person makes mistakes , allow for this and make it your intention to keep trying to better yourself inspite of your mistakes or setbacks . goodluck to you.