My Husband Hates Our Son, Help?

Question

A little over a week ago my 18 year old son came out as gay to my husband and I. My husband took this news horribly, he was never a homophobic person that much but I guess that changed when he learned his son was gay. I was equally shocked and did not see it coming.... I thought he got someone pregnant when he sat us down. My husband has become disgusted by our son and has been talking about throwing him out and cutting him from our lives.

My husband has never been an angry man, I think he is just trying to deal with the fact that his only son is not going to grow up to be what he wanted him to be. At first I had a similar reaction like my husband I didn't per say berate my son but I just have been awkward and silent around him. I always imagined a daughter-in-law and a lot of grand-kids. I don't want to throw my son out, but it is as if this has brought out some kind of dark side in my husband.

Two nights ago they got into a fight about my son's sexuality which lead to my husband calling him a f@ggot and striking him in the face. At the time I did nothing but stood by and watched.... I feel terrible for that. He desires to "make a man out of our son." Like I said I had these similar feelings until this morning. My son and husband got into another fight only this time our daughter came to her brother's defense. I have never seen our kids so angry before or speak to their father like so but at that moment I couldn't have been more proud of them. Needless to say, touched by this sibling love, I saw the error of my ways. I have come to the conclusion that when I decided to have children I made a vow to love them un-conditionally regardless of what or who they do. Now, 18 years in I have no intention to go back on that promise.

A little over two hours ago, while the kids were out, I finally broke my silence and confronted my husband and ripped him a new one in a brutal argument that actually lead to me throwing a vase against the wall. I came to the conclusion that all I really want out of my kids is for them to be happy and healthy. I can't control who they fall in love with and I can still have grand-kids gay or not. After finally letting him have it (something I rarely do) he began to talk about separating and possibly divorce.

I don't know what to do. I love my son and I love my husband. I know he sounds like a monster and I know for letting him hit our son I'm no saint myself. I know that he is just going through denial and a variety of emotions right now. However, I don't want my son to feel like he is in danger in his own home. If does come to it I will leave my husband for my son and I will stand by my child until the day I die but I still love the man and hope that in time we can come to terms with this. I know it's not a phase, choice or disease. And I would rather take the physical violence myself then let the man I married throw my kid out on the street.

What should I do? HELP!

Answer 1

your husband is an asshole. i would think that a man who loves his son would accept him for who he is. no matter what. your husband is homophobic and violent and he needs help. i suggest taking your son out of that environment (or better yet, kick your husband out) because he does not deserve to be treated that way. this is why LGBT people feel so oppressed. because of men like your husband they become depressed and driven to suicide...if violent homophobes don't beat or kill them.



seriously. take your husband to therapy. if he doesn't want to then leave him.

throwing your kid out shouldn't even be an option. in fact, letting your kid get hit shouldn't have been an option. if your husband cares more about hating gays than lovign his family then he doesn't deserve any of you.

if you really want grandchildren from your son then you can fight for gay rights so that when your son finds the right man he can get married and adopt a child.

Answer 2

My Husband Hates Our Son

Answer 3

Wow, Hmmmm, I think you do have to give your husband some space, and because of the violence, tell him to separate until he gets it back together.........

Violence is unacceptable , period.

He needs time and space and maybe more than that, idk.........

No one has to put up with this violence, for any reason.

I could say all the usual, but I wont..........

You could preempt him, and ask him to leave until he gets help or feels better......since you have already decided to stick by the children...........

It would also be reasonable to expect him to get help, and deal with his violence........

Some people would report him............

Just because it is a gay issue, doesnt excuse it........

Good for your daughter..........and son.

He needs help, dealing with it.

Here is a healing method you can give your children to help remove the damage ........

and yourself.

Talk to someone you trust, see a therapist on your own if you know one to trust...........take your son and daughter so you can let him know how you feel..............invite your husband, so he doesnt feel like you all are conspiring........he is having an intense reaction..... too bad. I think he will have to fall apart before it gets better..........like as if someone died. In his mind , at this point, I'm sure he feels like it, and is reeling.

Shunning his son, ..... I've heard of some men doing that, It is a cold thing to do. Is that in his religous background?



What is interesting about this whole gay thing and everyones objection, is that it seems with a little research going back in time, it has always been, and there is much to suggest that religion was changed to condem it , in order to keep men and women procreating...........I even read where some rabbi believed it was originally meant that people were not to act on this during fertility rights only, and otherwise it was accepted. idk .... I think much religion has been changed to suit a controling bunch in charge, and has not much to do with the 'Truth'..............

I wonder how and what your husband is thinking and feeling.....what he thinks has changed, except he cant imagine his son with a woman now, or that this is an embarrassment to him, like it is personal, or something..... it would be interesting to know, what brought on the violence....etc. but not worth risking more of it.

Answer 4

I have a gay step son. My husband for lack of a better term is a manly man. Gun carrying, sports watching, muscle car building mans man. When he first found out his son was gay he was ready to cry. Then his man side took over and the angry man came out.

The best thing to do is tell your husband how you feel without getting angry. Then ask him to live with the decision your son has made but let your son know that bringing a boyfriend over may not be a good idea. Your son always has the option of moving out after all. Remind your husband your son is still the same boy he was the day before he came out of the closet. And that maybe your husband needs to put less empheis on who your son will be haveing sexual relationships with and more on who his son is as a person. Despite your son's sexual preference is he the man that you and your husband raised him to be. Just for the record no it's not right to throw your kid out becuase he is gay. But it's also not right to have your parents divorce because you figured out your gay. As an 18 year old adult he is free to support himself.



MY HUSBAND SAYS:

Finding out your son is gay is a defferent experience for a dad then a mom. Especially if he is the only son. Thats tough but your husband needs to stop focusing on the "gayness" and just alow himself time to remember that he is still his son. He needs to come to the conclusion you came to in the 4th paragraph. He is a man so it will take him longer to do that.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

Divorce him! Its purely a count number of time till your son developes the prefer to strike back at him and harm him. Or whilst your son does flow out on his very own you're able to in no way hear from him lower back. I grew up in a house the place i became surpassed over and can in no way forgive my father for a fashion i became mistreated. My mom very deeply regrets in no way divorcing my father. If she ought to do issues over, she might have divorced him and then stumbled on a job and made it on her very own. it is recommended to contemplate a divorce!

Answer 7

Do you give your friends nick names that they are not aware off?

Answer 8

I know it seems like "this is the way things are now", but its only been a week. Give it more time, I bet things will improve. It sounds like youre doing as good as can be expected.

Answer 9

Imagine if you'd met your friends a different way

Answer 10

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Answer 11

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Answer 12

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Answer 13

Seriously I hope you and your husband go to hell.

Answer 14

Do boys like honesty? BOYS ANSWER PLEASE =]?