Advice Please! I need to get mental help!?

Question

I know that this is long, but please just bear with me. I would really appreciate your advice.

I am a fifteen year old sophomore in high school. I attend a difficult private Catholic school. I suppose that you could call me a far-from-perfect perfectionist. I am one of those people who feel they need to participate in EVERYTHING. When I say everything, I literally mean EVERYTHING. The reason I do so much is because I really want to get into a good college. Only one person from my family has gone on to college, and that’s my older sister. On the surface I make it seem like I have a perfectly balanced life. On the surface, you would think that I am the model teenager every parent dreams of. Well, if you thought that you would be very wrong. Very wrong, indeed.

Like I said, I am not the perfect girl I appear to be. I REALLY need to get help with numerous mental problems. The thing is though, I am too scared. I have never been diagnosed (or sought diagnosis) with a mental disorder. I have never had any medical/ mental problems at all. However, my life has been so rough lately (past three months or so) that I decided to do a lot of research to try to understand what has been going on inside my head. I have been self diagnosing myself with a few connected diseases. I believe that I have depression, anxiety disorder, OCD, and possibly bipolar disorder. I have reason to believe that OCD is the root of my problems. I have had on and off depression and anxiety since I was young. I think that the OCD has been present for a while, but it has just recently gotten worse. On top of that, I have also been suffering with anorexia on and off for a year and a half now.

Lately these problems have become so difficult to live with that I have been having suicidal thoughts on a regular basis. I never get to sleep before 3am because I’m up so late doing homework. When I do find time to work, the disorders make it very difficult to focus on the task as hand. I might feel too depressed or stressed to focus or I will have to go organize or clean stuff in my room so that I don't go mad. Also, when I do my homework everything has to be just right. This means that it takes me probably three times longer than the other students to finish a paper or assignment. My grades have been falling. I only got one B last year and now most of my grades are B's and I'm close to a C in chemistry. I am behind in almost every class. I just failed my first test last week with a 69%. I have panic attacks every few days where I literally feel like something will happen and I will die. I’ve even unintentionally pushed most of my friends out of my life. My greatest wish is to just disappear from the world for a little while and be at peace. I imagine it in my head daily and how wonderful it would be and feel, but it makes me even more depressed when I have to return to reality and realize that those wonderful, peaceful feelings are so unattainable. I am very spiritual, but not even God has been able to help me (not that I’ve really let Him help). I thought that understanding what was wrong with me would help me to get better, but I now realize how stupid I was for having ever even thought this would be true.

I would give anything to get help. I want it more than anything in the whole wide freakin’ universe!Being underage though, I can’t get help without a parent. I can’t tell my mom. I can’t give her the burden of knowing she has a ****** up kid. I was the one in my family that was supposed to turn out normal, unlike the others who either end up knocked up, in jail, on drugs, and living in debt. Besides, my mom has enough to worry about as it is. I can’t add more stress to her life. She’s been battling cancer and the depression from that, is trying to plan her wedding with her new fiancé, is searching for a new job, looking for a new house, and we’re having some money problems. I don’t want her to have to mark on her calendar, “Take daughter to therapy.” That’s a horrible thing for me to do! I don’t want her to think she’s messed up as a mother. And what would everyone think when they found out I was getting seeing a psychologist? I don’t even have time in my life to go get help!

I just don’t know what to do! Should I be selfish and try to get myself some help, but sacrifice my mother's sanity? And I would be humiliated if people started to find out. Do you think I should just wait a little longer and see if things start getting better? I’ve been dealing for awhile, so I supposed it’s got to get better sooner or later. If you think that I should seek help, do you have any advice on how to talk to my mom? Currently I'm too scared to do anything. Posting some of my story here on Yahoo has probably been the biggest step I've made. I've never told anyone any of this before.

Thank you. Even if you are not sure about what I should do, at least you read what I had to say and tried to help. Hopefully this will help ot

Answer 1

I am also a sophomore in high school and i understand. Although im not the over achiever you seem to be i do notice that my grades are slipping and i fall more and more behind. I think the more you worry about your grades and the school activities you are in the more your mental stability starts to go down. The best advice i can give you is to remember that you don't have to be in EVERYTHING to get into a good college. Heck you don't have to even go to college to do something great with your life. Its all about having a plan. And definitely talk to your mom. I know you feel like its a burden but this is your life we are talking about. She would be happy to help her child through something difficult. That is what mothers are supposed to do. Remember to breath and relax a bit.

Answer 2

First off, I'm a 29 year old psychology undergrad, getting ready to apply to graduate school, so I am not able to diagnose any disorders. I suggest that you do not try to diagnose any disorders you may feel you have. There is a reason it takes 5 more years of graduate school, after receiving a bachelors, to be able to diagnose. I'm not saying what you did was bad, but there is a lot more that goes into diagnosis than just reading material about different mental/social disorders. I do applaud your research though...it sounds like you are a very intelligent person that is willing to look for answers, instead of just saying research is too much work.



Next, I dealt with some of the same problems you are dealing with now, when I was in high school. I wish I would have sought help, because I think I could have had a much more fulfilling high school life than I did. I didn't seek help until I met my wife (who was my girlfriend at the time). Coming close to loosing her is what helped me to finally realize I was pushing everyone out of my life due to my own mental issues. I tell you this because I want you to know that you are not alone in this situation. There are others out there who have dealt with these problems by seeking help, and it's ok for you to do so as well.



My suggestion in regards to your mother is to tell her you are having problems, and would like to seek professional help. If you feel like this may cause her to feel like she has done something wrong, you can ask her to sit in on the session with you. The psychologist can explain how/why you are having issues, and make her feel more at ease. Honestly, I doubt she will feel it's her fault, but she may feel sad that you are going through these issues. I do not believe it to be an insurmountable thought/feeling that will cost her sanity though.



Finally, although it's much easier said than done, do not worry about what your classmates will think if you do seek help. Once you are in the office with the psychologist, he/she can help you cope with your feelings about being picked on, and help you be more resilient if those fears ever come to fruition. In my honest opinion, only the ignorant will pick on someone who sought help when it was needed.



I hope my advice helps. I will check back in a day or two, to see if you would like to talk some more. Good luck and God's speed in all your endeavors.

Answer 3

Ok. First, just know that everything will be ok. There are so many people who love and care about you, including your family and friends. Believe me when I say your mom will not care about taking you to therapy, all she will want is for you to be better and happy. She won't mind or consider it a hassle. TELL HER. If you're not comfortable telling her, tell a teacher, guidance counselor, relative, anyone like that. They can help get you help to, and you sound like you need it. I promise it will help so much. You probably even have a therapist in your school, so that won't hurt your schedule. Also, study hard. You can ask your teachers for help or your friends, or get a tutor. I promise you your grades will go up as soon as that happens. If you ever feel the urge to commit suicide, DON'T DO IT. think of the things that make you happy, and know that you're a great person and people love you. Your homework does not have to be flawless, just work hard and remove yourself from all distractions. If it's REALLY taking you until 3 AM when you try your hardest and have a great night, let a teacher know. It's unreasonable to ask a student to stay up that late doing homework. Also, find a hobby that you love; that greatly improves your happiness. If God helps you, and your faith in Him is strong, open up to him and let Him help. I'm a high school sophomore too, and i understand how hard it can be. I've made some mistakes to help relieve my stress (I nearly got arrested and expelled), and it would break my heart to think of others doing even worse things to themselves. Just breathe, hold on, and ask for help. It's going to take work and the help of others, but YOU WILL BE OK. Lots of people care about you, and you have a great life. It will all be ok. Best of luck, and I really do hope you get better.

-Laura

Answer 4

I understand how you feel.. Don't worry about you're grades, you sound really smart. I have a straight A older brother and straight A twin sister who both got dux of the school while I got all B's and a D with 50% in chemistry, struggling with anxiety and panic attacks for the last 2 years of school and now have basically zero friends. Also, 69% is not as bad as you think. Round it up to 70, and where I live 75% is an A.

Try and get rid of as much stress as you can. Focus on what you are good at. You don't have to get into the best college, you don't even have to get straight A's. Depending on what you want to do at college just aim for the minimum marks you need to get in.

As for getting therapy, it's hard to ask but if you really are certain you need it you have to do something. Just remember though it is hard to talk to a perfect stranger about your problems, and you could go through 2 or 3 different psychologists before you find one that helps.

I don't really know what to say about the other problems, because I haven't been through them myself. You could try dropping whichever subject you do that is causing the most stress, for example I dropped my best subject (music) because I couldn't handle the nerves of performance. The best thing I can think of for you to do is try seeing your school counselor or even the school chaplain, so you don't need a parent. That could be hard because you are worried about people finding out, but a counselor does have to keep everything private.



If you are struggling keeping up with homework, don't do it all. Sacrifice little bits of homework to give yourself extra time if you have to, it could benefit your results in the end. And give up any thoughts of suicide. I would never even contemplate it because of what it would do to my family, so think of your mum.



I hope my advice helps. Good luck for everything :)

Answer 5

Being depressed means you're at a point wherein you actually attempt to kill yourself. And being bipolar means that in a span of days you're way way waaay too happy and then you're rock bottom.



Let me summarize it this way, if you have a psychological disorder, you'd have to be dysfunctional, distressed and serve as a threat. If you think that you have a problem, consult a professional. Because if it turns out you actually do have one, you wouldn't want it to overwhelm you, trust me. I mean, if you have a certain condition and it came to the point where it elates and gets worse, do you think your mother would like it better that way?



Besides, you're way too young to handle these stressful problems by yourself and you've been a good daughter up until now, so why not try to be selfish for one time?

Answer 6

Hon, I have had anixety issues, depression and OCD, and can really relate to what you are saying, especially about trying to be "perfect." My advice to you is to talk to your mother, tell her the truth, and really work to overcome these problems NOW, instead of doing what I did, which is wait 30 years to go and get some help.



No, it's most likely NOT going to get better on it's own; I've seen that for myself. Don't make my mistake and waste years of your life in this way; go get help now!



Hope this helps, and my thoughts and prayers will be with you.

Answer 7

i understand all the things you stated . i hope that upon verbalizing through the website made you a little bit comfortable and ease your anxious state . actually verbalizing it to somebody like for the expert like psychologist . religious clergy . trusted friend will find your way to solve your doubts , fear and anxieties . your stage of youthful and all the stressor surrounding you would trigger your anguish and fear . at least you are aware of all these things that would make easier for you to tackle . good luck and more power to you .