Question:
Why are some people sexual sadists?
.
2013-03-24 03:48:04 UTC
What is the reason, how does it feel?
I am into vanilla honestly. but sometimes like to watch bdsm out of fascination, and it is arousing.
Any first-hand accounts?
Eight answers:
2013-03-24 08:39:21 UTC
Sexual sadism as part of BDSM is all about complete control, trust, intimacy and respect.



My Master is sexually a sadist, so he gets pleasure from hurting me. That is all based on a deep understanding of what we both want and need and what is not acceptable.



When he is hurting me it gives him a release, a pleasure that comes both from the act of (for example) using a paddle on my ***, but also from my reaction. Also, seeing the marks he makes on my skin pleases him too, and he spends time making the exact marks he wants in the pattern he wants.



To be in a relationship like this requires a really deep understanding of each other, a trust and respect for each other and a level of intimacy that is beyond many vanilla relationships. I have to trust and know that he is not going to harm me beyond the level he knows I can take. And he has to trust me too. For obvious reasons.
Rachel
2013-03-25 00:17:07 UTC
Sexual sadism is a predatory psychiatric disorder. BDSM pornographic entertainment involves consent, and it simply strongly simulates the dominance factor of our sexual primitive nature.



As a disorder, sexual sadism is in the same category as pedophilia and exhibitionism. Sadists find pleasure and enjoyment in causing another person harm or humiliation. While pornography can sometimes briefly amuse them, sadists often find that they need to actually carry out the act themselves in order to achieve full satisfaction. (This often requires lack of consent, resulting in rape and statutory cases.) Many sadists express burrowed anxiety in their daily lives, with obsessive and compulsive sexually abusive thoughts. The majority of sexual sadists are also addicted to sex, pornography, and/or masturbation.



Causes of sadistic disorder is unknown, but psychologists assume it is either a result of genetic abnormalities or early childhood experiences. Many sadists have admitted to significant childhood assault or neglect.



The very nature of this disorder makes sadism, like that of pedophilia or violent schizophrenia, volatile and threatening to society. If you or anyone you know experiences any sadistic plans or action (without consent on both parties), call the police. Sadism has a primarily good prognosis when treated by good doctors.
2013-03-24 04:15:37 UTC
It is about passion, control & submission, complete and total trust, you manage to connect with your partner on a deeper level and through time you can get your brain to feel pain in a pleasurable way. vanilla is fine but sometimes you want something a bit more exotic and flavorful and sometimes people want it more often it just varies there is nothing wrong with having preferences whatever they may be as long as you aren't doing anything with someone that they are not ok or comfortable with. Hope this helps, if you have more questions feel free to msg me =)
?
2013-03-24 03:57:38 UTC
Good question. I also want to know. I'm just like you - actually very mild and plain vanilla and practically a-sexual in reality, but for some reason find some of that kinky stuff arousing, and I'm not entirely happy about that, wondering what exactly it says about me?
Ruben
2013-03-24 06:46:07 UTC
Also pretty vanilla in my daily life but sometimes my gf likes to go all submissive on me.



It's a trust thing most of all for me. The idea that my gf can let herself go completely and trusts me like that is intoxicating.
Anonymous
2013-03-24 07:14:55 UTC
I'm not exactly a sexual sadist I'm just a sadist. I don't know why I just know that seeing other people's pain makes me happy. It's really kind of sick but it's not something I can help.
?
2013-03-24 04:03:37 UTC
i guess some people like it rough.
tianran
2014-02-06 07:31:40 UTC
oh it feels goooood!

reason?

well, let me began by saying that there's a recent research that shows kinky people(saidst, masochist, dom and subs) have lesser anxiety and turn to be mroe consenting with their lover. it's a research by journal of sexual medicine http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnhEK1NDCmw And the whole trauma causes sadism and masochism is quite bullshitting,

here's 2 phychiatrical website, and neither one of them says that trauma could cause sadism or masochism.

http://www.minddisorders.com/Py-Z/Sexual-sadism.html

http://www.forensicpsychiatry.ca/paraphilia/sadism.htm

u would have to read the 2 to understand what im saying from here on, so if u dont have time to read them, then perhaps u could skip this post.

i think it is caused by 3 things

1. association theory

2. Co-morbidity

3. genesa (maybe)

the first link would have told u guys that this researches are done mainaly on SEX OFFENDERS, so because of that it's not gonna be very fair. So among the 4 that theories that the second link showed u guys, i would only believe the ones that other people say to be so as well, or from what i observe i believe that sadism and masochism are caused by Psychodynamic Theories or as i like to call it association theory, this is because it applies for many fetishes. and i also believe that might be caused by Co-morbidity, sadism might be cause by masochism or transvestite, this is because on fetlife, i've seen a good doze of sadist who are also masochist and transvestite, so yea, i've seen it for myself. the whole sadists might be caused by paraphillia trigger because 46% of them rape, is probaply not true, because 5% of the world's population are sadist and 46% of 5% is 2.4%(im so asian, lol) yea... , so even if all rapist are sadist which is utter nonsence, and they all only rape once. i still dont think that the amount of peolpe who got raped would be up to 2.4% besides... rape isnt a paraphillia.

the amount of sadist there are in the world is 5% because "Kinsey et al (1953): determined that 3-12% of women and 10- 20% of men admitted to responding sexually to sadomasochistic narratives" if u get the average of 10-20 and plus average of 3-12 divde them by 2 u would get 11.25, presumuably that the population of sadist and masochist are the same, then 5.625% of the world's population would be sadist.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhbynTCTHyM

and we have actually already found a genetic cause for agolagnian masochist

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Algolagnia

it's caused by genetic coding SCN9A ahh! that's one of the most beautiful genes ever.

personally i would regard agolagnias as a type of masochist becasue both agolagnian masochist and subjective masochist enjoy pain, agolagnian masochists enjoy it because their nerve are different from ours, while subjective masochist like it cause they like the idea of being punched. now if agolagnian masochists are caused by genes, i would say that the possibility of sadist and subjective masochists being caused by genes are not low, however there are no researches i've seen that shows sadists and subjective masochists are caused by genes that i find to be a fair research. and i'll let u guys draw the conclusion on why there arent any.

i was quite skeptica (a mindset tha make u think and analyze, yes, that's what skeptical meant)l i have to say

i tried my best to make my anaylize as neutral and scientific as possible

damn i love science, it can help me debunk the arugument that we had trauma when we were young and that it's a choice and that we were mentally disturbed, even tho phsycologists(not scientists),phsychiatrists(scientists) and other scientists are not on our side.



as for first hand account, well, here's my discovery toward the fact that I'm a sadist, and my coming out story

here's my coming out story, and my story of discover my sexuality, it's kinda long tho,

the first time I had an sexual sadist thought was when im 4, it was also the first sexual thought of mine, I didn't know anything about it back then, I didn't even know they were sexual.

I knew about sex when I was 9, but I only understood what sex is all about by 11, and that my fantasies were sexual in nature. I was very secretive about it when I was 11 all the way till the end of 15, because I didn't know if other people are like this or not,and I'm afraid of what they'll do to me by the end of sec 2 (2012, 15yrs old) , I saw a video of shane dawson that shows a nerd hearing to the violence next door while “doing it by himself”. I started to think that maybe im not all alone. I made up crazy things when I was young about this, I thought that I was of alien descent and thus have such sexual thoughts, I even prayed to god when I was around 8 or 9 to let him take away such attraction of mine. Which at time I simply regard as a horrible part of my mind. But that didn't came true. By the start of 2013, we had a sex education class at school. And that’s when a awesome teacher of mine, told us about BDSM, he asked a student to explain it, I seem to hear the word pain and violence or words related. but did not quite understand it. After that student explain, which lead to some students laughed “he said so ya that’s what BDSM is all about, weird, but hey it’s people’s freedom to do what they want” those words of his are so warm to me. and i looked it up on the internet, i knew what it mean I realize I was a sadist, And that was liberating to me, because there are people out there like me, my kind of people, and if one day I am being hurt for this or discriminated to an extend that Im fired by my boss or punched in the face for this, there will be people out there fighting for me, i was like a jew in a concentration camp and soviet soldiers came in and shouted freedom comrades, it's as if i was a different specie from every one around me i had blue skin and big nose and everyone around have pointy nose and red skin, and i suddenly found my own specie

During the first week when I realize im a sexual sadist, I was always thinking whether I should come out of the closet to my parents, and I was quite worried about it, I wondered all the possible scenario, oh maybe… she might disowned me( a bad screnario), or hate me for this(the scenario that i predict to be most likely) or be completely fine with this ( a good scenario) what if she would just take something and kill me because im such a monster and remove such a “evil”( worst possible scenario), but I realize the last one isn’t likely because there are sexual sadomasochists out there. so after about 1 week, I decided that I can keep this 4 years secret no more, 12 years if u count it from the time i had my first sexual thought So I asked my mom “mom could we go for a walk?” And she said ok. So we did

me: mom u know I learnt something from school, that completely changes the way I view myself

mom: oh what is it?

Me: u remember all the time I was masturbaiting

Mom: ya?

Me; well they all have this one common theme, they are all related to do with errr…( going thru all the possibility of her reaction when I said until here)

Me: beating up woman

Mom: what?

Me: they are involved with violence, so ya just to be out with u, why would I be like this, are u fine with this?

Mom: well that’s fine, but it’s just fantasy( cause she doesn't want me to beat up a woman for sexual pleasure,)

Me: but it’s not just fantasy, I find it hot that a woman in real life get hurt swell

Mom: well, but don't do it. (I did not argue with her, cause I didn't want to do it back then)

Me: could u tell me why im like this? Are u like this?

mom: (not knowing what to answer) says terry u could talk to ur dad about this maybe he'll know more since he's a man, and u guys are guys

Mom: maybe in future when u find a nice girlfriend, u would stop being like this (typically the things that gay’s parents tell their kids, it’s just a phase)

(i laughed because i know that's bullshit)

And i was so happy about this, the fact that my mom barely treated me worse or treated me the same as before after Im open to them about my sexual attraction

After a few days, I talked to my dad about this, i was sitting on the dining table, and i was shivering when i asked him, he told me that all and he told me that every guys fantasies this and girls do. which isn't true, because there are people who would say "why the hell would anyone enjoy this" when I talk to them about sadomaoschism. but hey, at least my dad is trying to comfort me. And despite I don't know any female sadist, I didn't believe that all sadist are male, but neither did I believe that male sadist have the same population as female sadist because sadist are sexually more violent, and guys are more physiologically more violent so this violentness of guys might cause more guys to be sadist than girls. i goes one reason why my dad would have said that is because he meant all guys have fantasy, but the emphatheis is not fantasy it's the content of it, and i have these fantasy all based on one theme only because i have a sexual attraction to other people's reaction to pain. it's the attraction that i wanted to talk about. And even when i tell them i have a sexual attraction toward other's reaction to pain, they sometimes still talk with me about them being sadists too cos they freaken fantasies!

currently I'm out of the closet to almost everyone


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
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