Question:
Why is it so hard for me to have a positive life?
Jm
2013-06-01 07:46:32 UTC
The last few years I meditate and try to decide the best for myself but I tend to fall in to stupid decisions. REALLY bad decisions and thoughts and vibes that have to be guarded from me a lot. I've always been treated like a runt and felt like one majority of my life. It made me an angry hateful person underneath a sensitive loving girl. I found a journal I made when I was 13 and I felt so sorry the way I felt. I was doing drugs and self harming, had angry language but i was venting out something I didn't know was inside me. Now im 23 and I feel like, how could I ever be that way?

Yet that sort of tone in my life still exists and Im always trying to PUSH it away or else I become like that.
Family and friends are lucky they get all the love and support but i'm mostly ignored and berated. Sometimes in sneaky sarcastic ways they talk own on me or pressure me while not truly believing in me.
Ive turned from Catholic to Buddhism when I felt that family and church wasn't really accepting me.
Still i see myself suffering and struggling to make my dreams come true.
I see my dreams being fulfilled by people who aren't concerned with me.
I've felt so depressed and disappointed in comparison to what I've tried to fulfill.
I'm really against taking prescriptions because I've had bad experiences with them.

Can someone help me out?
Four answers:
Been There Done That
2013-06-01 07:59:37 UTC
we all make bad decisions in life

nobody is perfect

don't worry the dark person that you feel is inside you is inside us all

the only difference between the good and the bad people is whether we choose to control it or let it control us

you have to come to terms that there is a darker side to you and that you may not always be able to control it and sometimes it lashes out in the form of really stupid decisions the more you accept it and learn to appease it with fun once in a while the more you will be able to make better decisions

we always struggle to get what we want while some people may ave tit handed to them on a golden platter

don't be disappointed because you have failed in something be happy u tried

we are not perfect and we will fail in something or the other
?
2013-06-01 07:51:31 UTC
I try to have a positive life too but other peoples opinions try to diminish it. I am trying to change my thought patterns but it is not always easy from living with negative thought patterns for so long. I know what you mean though. Don't self harm because there is hope in making your life better and doing the things that make you happy. Change your thoughts and you change your life.
2013-06-01 08:56:37 UTC
Change takes time. Years.

And it takes skill and right-action .. in other words, if you do things incorrectly, you don't get results.



To get results from Buddhism, you must be patient. It takes 3-8 years before you even begin to get results ... inner changes.

And if you are not practicing under the guidance of a life, experienced and qualified teacher, you are more likely to be practicing incorrectly than correctly.



Buddhism is NOT easy.

Buddhism does not take away suffering. Buddhism is a technique of learning to observe clearly, and what you start to see is that you desires ARE the cause of your unhappiness.



You have anger? Buddhism says don't fight feeling angry .. relax into it. Understand that this is not the same thing as ACTING angry. No. Buddhists will NOT outwardly express their anger. But they do not run away from how they are feeling inside.

And they do not try to "fix" how they are feeling.



You have dreams that you want to come true. These dreams will not make you happy. Happiness only comes from inside or yourself, and nothing outside or yourself can make you happy for more than a little while. And the happiness that outside things bring cannot compare to the happiness that springs up from inside.

Furthermore, these dreams you have .. they ARE the future source of your unhappiness.



You are concerned about being loved and accepted to others. Yes, I understand. All humans feel alone and isolated, and much of our behavior is either an attempt to deny this, or to get others to love us.

A Buddhist accepts that this sorrow is part of being human. And instead of focusing on how depressed they are about it, they focus on generating compassion for others.

Modern psychology says that the more we focus on ourselves, the more neurotic and unhappy we will be. Funny .. Buddha said the same thing, 2,500 years ago.



Prescription drugs do not "cure" problems. they reduce them. And they don't cure the cause of our problems. And they have unpleasant physical side-effects, and some of them have dangerous biological side-effects sometimes. But giving someone a pill is a lot easier than spending years teaching them how to work with themselves.



Find a teacher, a live teacher. I would suggest Theravadan Buddhism and Mindfulness meditation. Supplement them with these two sources:

1) A book on how to meditate (Vipassana/Mindfulness meditation). The first 3 chapters give you an excellent intro to what Buddhism is and isn't. The book is free to read on-line.

http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma4/mpe.html



2) Books and audio teachings/downloads by Pema Chodron have been the most useful to me .. second only to my local teacher who is one of the Dalai Lama's monks. I have purchased audio teachings by Pema Chodron and listened to them over and over .... during my morning commute to work, during my lunch hour, before bedtime, etc. Made them part of my life, and slowly - along with my other practices of Buddhism - they have started to change how I respond to life. And it is good.

http://www.pemachodrontapes.com/store/



So I wish good for you too.

But be patient.

It's okay to be unhappy. That is the First Noble Truth of Buddhism. That happiness exists and is as much a part of life as joy is. Accept it and stop thinking it means something is wrong. There IS a way out, but that way out is Buddhism. But you don't stop being unhappy .. you only stop being bothered by being unhappy. It's one of those things that you have to experience for yourself, first-hand, before you start to grasp that this is actually a good thing. Because the practices of Buddhism do not shut you down to anything .. they open you up .. and there is a great sense of being vibrantly alive .. both the joy and the sorrow mixed in. Like Chinese "Sweet and Sour Pork" that is so tasty, mixing in the two flavors.
2013-06-02 13:15:08 UTC
. Just struggle to achieve your dream and things can get better and don't be concerned about other people who are so unkind to you. Just put your faith on Amitabha Buddha and chant his name practicing meditation and your life will improve so much.



Namo Amituofo


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
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