People use me for sex and i hate myself for letting them?

Question

People use me for sex because people think im easy and sleep around. Which may be the case but they don't understand that i do it because i want someone to love me. If i refuse to have sex with someone they suddenly don't like me - so i give in and do it.
But everytime i sleep with someone i end up having feelings for them and get hurt so bad.
I did it again last night and i feel ashamed of myself for being so easy, but i want to kiss and cuddle and just someone to love and care for me, and it seemed sex was the only way to get that. But now im sat here like an idiot crying, because ive fallen for him and i know he doesn't want anything but sex.
I hate myself for what i do but if someone wants something i will give it them, because i don't feel like i deserve to get what i want anyway.
I just want some advice really. Im so unhappy.

Answer 1

Hannah, this is not a way to ever find love. If you go to bed after you met a guy for the first time then in 99 % of the cases if you sleep with a guy on the same night you meet him for a first time he will not respect you as a person, as a human being but see you as a prostitute and better than that, you do it for free... and all because you want to find love... but if you want to find love Hannah you have to try this in a completely different way.. and it can work for you.. but you have to give up all that crap and not act like an unpaid prostitute to guys who only want a sexual fling with you and nothing else.. instead go and get a job and go join a hobby club, or even join a singles club and if you meet a guy.. get to know him and make sure there is friendship and mutual respect and honesty and mutual trust.. if you meet a guy like that and let it grow from a friendship to something more then this guy will treat you with respect and not like an unpaid prostitute... so don't do this to yourself. Don't be cheaper than a prostitute who at least knows the risks involved and gets paid for it.. you run the risk of STD and an unwanted pregnancy and the guys you are with really will never love you... because you make it so easy for them. Men only like ''easy'' for playing around.. You are around players.. that's all they will ever be and they couldn't care less about your life our your problems.. they just want sex... So please understand that and stop seeing those guys and do something for yourself.. Get a job you at least ''like'' and have a goal in mind for your self esteem... Join a hobby club or any respectable club to meet some people...and get some friends. A friend male or female is worth a lot.. and even if you joined a hobby club and made a female friend or female friends.. you would expand your social circle in good places and get invited to their homes or parties.. and there you would stand a much better chance of meeting a nice guy.. and never go bed with a guy after a first date... they lose respect if a woman is willing to sleep with them right away.. and then if you that.. they will only see you as a woman they go to, to have sex with.. so gain more self esteem... and more self respect... to not sleep with the next best guy because you hope he will give you love in return.. Love has to grow Hannah, and you need to get to know a guy. Have conversations with him. See if you and he are on the same wavelenght. if you are, then that is a great sign to become friends.. and if there is mutual attraction or a mutual ''connection'' then it will lead to more...but then this whole thing has got a foundation... which a healthy relationship ''MUST HAVE'' ... mutual respect, honesty, mutual trust, friendship and being able to talk to each other about everything and be at ease with each other.. you if you got a partner need to be able to share hopes, dreams, problems, fears, and discuss it and work as a team to find a solution.. if a guy doesn't care to have a conversation with you, he doesn't respect you.. if he only wants to ''bed'' you.. such a guy will never love you... you will feel worse if you let this continue and will lose all your last bit of self respect and self esteem if you go on doing this.. so this is in your hands, Hannah, you can say ''NO'' and not be an unpaid prostitute anymore and instead look for love in the ''right places'' at present you are looking in impossible places....Respect yourself.. and you stand a chance to find love.. but love needs time to grow and never happens from a one night stand...Sex is the wrong way to get love...you have to have friendship with a guy first and you grow as friends and feelings grow,.. they don't grow from having sex and just to have sex and there is no love feels not fulfilling it feels empty and lonely.. Prostitutes don't love their clients.. they do it for money.. and clients don't love the prostitutes.. they only go there to have a sexual need fulfilled but conversation is not there.. tenderness is not a part of it.. and caring about the prostitute is not part of it.. the client pays and goes.. and leaves her.. and perhaps he will be back but only as a client.. not as her lover.. that is not love.. but a prostitute knows at least why she is doing this and she knows love can't be expected from a sexual act... she does it for money... and you want love, so give this fixation to sleep with a guy right away up .. immediately and do something else with your life.. set yourself goals.. join the right clubs.. hobby clubs.. and meet guys you can start a friendship with.. and if that happens then there can be love.. That is the only way you will ever find love with a guy.. if he is not just a sex bed mate.. but your friend.. and friendship needs time to grow.. and from that if the connection is right.. can grow love...you need to give it time... but nothing good will come your way if you continue like this.. all the guys will think is ''she is easy..

Answer 2

People use you because they know you're easy you wouldn't be looked at as the girl a guy wants as his girlfriend because he would just think you would cheat I know I can say that but I know what you mean when you say you just want someone to love and care for you and sex to you is the closest thing you've got right? personally I've never had sex and I'm 18 but if I came across as easy I probably would have. You have to stop portraying yourself as "easy" then guys might start to respect you more and start respecting yourself more I'm sure you do deserve happiness but only you can make that happiness happen happiness isn't all about being in a relationship get together with some of your friends hit the tiles, go to the cinema, have a girls night in, go shopping treat yourself. If you ever need to talk more you can email me at [e-mail]

Answer 3

Well, I could restate what you already know and point out this wont necessarily get you love nor should you always give people what you want but that seems like a waste of time. If you are seriously unhappy over this, seek couselling as a sounding board to discuss how you can improve.



My own advice - which I stress is non-expert and I know little about you - is to forget romantic love for a while and instead, focus of strong friendships. These will improve your self-esteem, give you a support group for next time you're low, give you advice, etc. Friendships are more than just people you hang round with a lot and laugh with. If you have strong friendships, I would advise spending more time with these people, and asking for their advice. Maybe they could be with you next time you're out and remind you not to give in to people. When you feel stronger, you can meet people as an equal. (Alternatively and less morally, you could just not have sex as game playing. It can be self rewarding as many though not all men immediately work harder. This can be equally self destructive if done to much).



Just a note: I don't really have a problem with girls sleeping around. Many actually prefer that kind of relationship through points in their lives. It's just for you personally it seems to make you unhappy.

Answer 4

We all need someone to love us, but you know sex is not the way to get that, which is a start. Your actions and feelings are understandable, but if people continue to see you in this light, this will continue. Sleeping with someone to get them to like you won't always work that way, as it puts a condition on your relationship. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither will love be. You need to get to know someone you are really attracted to before you hint at sleeping with them, so it is clear that both of you are doing this because you like each other, not just because you can or to gain a cuddle - a real relationship will be much more fulfilling and I think you know this.

Make yourself accountable to some friends who will support you, and if you feel lonely, arrange to spend time with them rather than making yourself vulnerable - and smile. Having confidence and knowing your own mind is not only attractive, it will make men respect you.

Hope this helps.

Answer 5

First of all, I'm a man, and I cannot explain to you what a perfect woman is but only what I prefer.



Thank you for willing to engage in physical interaction which pleases both man and woman. But you should not just offer yourself. Instead, demand something from him, too. I cannot tell you exactly what that is; it is something that you need to decide. And if it does not work with the first few guys that you meet, it does not mean that it is wrong.



For example, you should not expect a guy to treat you like a queen, but you should appreciate it if he does it from his heart. What I mean is that you should not offer yourself too much, because most men regard this as you being a **** who is only out for sexual interaction.



This is a general way that you should behave on a date:

talk about what you like, be able to deal with criticism from him, criticize him if he tells you things that you don't like, don't get emotional if it does not go the way you'd like it to go.

Answer 6

Well im 13 so dont really know what to say but i know this. First thing, go to a clinic and get checked to make sure you have no infections. Then go to a family clinic or something like that with someone like a friend/sister/mum and talk to the councilors. Don't have sex if you dotn want to! I hope you will be ok and tell them NO and if they get abusive or threating, call the police. Goodluck xx

Answer 7

You are aware of your problem which gives you a head start on most issues people have so cherish this knowledge.



Learn to see yourself as an individual with thoughts, feelings, needs and desires all belonging to you.



Now believe in yourself because you deserve the best that your life can offer.

Answer 8

Although you hate yourself because you allow yourself to be used it may also be true to say that because you hate yourself you allow yourself to be used. Although you want to feel loved and and held if you don't feel like you deserve to then you will continue to punish yourself with these empty relationships. Each one confirms your own belief that no one could want you for more than one night. In this way you are also using them. Spend sometime focusing on what makes you desirable, intelligent, creative and caring. He may not want anything but sex but you seem to have made that decision for him as you only wanted him for sex and then self imposed rejection. Not all relationships begin with candle lit dinners and moonlit walks before things get physical.

Answer 9

Have you heard of The Work by Byron Katie? I am going through the method she introduced. Here is a vid that I'd invite you to watch : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FOLz8u7Utg0



She says it really works when you not only think about it but write it down, so there are worksheets free to download for everybody: www.thework.com



Don't worry, I understand you since I recently had the same thought just like you: "This man used me for sex". There are more nasty details to that, but I don't feel comfy talking about them here.



Try out the thing I suggested. We all deserve to recover from any suffering we are going through!!! :)



Hugs! "You are the love of you life."

Answer 10

You are 'classic' in the way that you tell your story, but brave for telling it and for being at least honest with your self about it.



The easy answer might be the tough one for you, but ''STOP'' what you are doing, before it gets worse for you.



You have a right to want to be loved, a right to want to be held and to be stroked and to be taken care of ~ by the right person. Quite how you find this Other person is something else.



If you can, then find yourself a Counsellor or somebody whom you can trust, and ask for Help.



I wish I could offer you more.

Take care.

Sash.

Answer 11

Letting people have sex with you is not the way to find love. The best way to find real love is when you meet someone new dont have sex for the first few weeks and if they are not prepared to wait then they are not worth it. If someone really cares for you they wont mind waiting

Answer 12

Okay first off, you feel unhappy with yourself is possibly from a slight depression I wouldn't know if its severe or anything. I too have been in your position where love seemed to only make my miserable feelings better, but really its just the fact that your possibly depressed for your mind and body. I will help you with this for my answer please read on;



First I want you to ask yourself these questions for depression;



- Imagine the state of mind when in depression - everything is black, hopeless, cold - try to really feel it in the heart.



- What am I so concerned about?



- Are there thoughts that keep on repeating themselves in my mind?



- Am I only concerned about myself, my own problems and pain?



- Am I realistic about my own situation?



- Am I really helpless, hopeless, hungry, completely alone, poor and cold?



- How many people in the world are really helpless, hopeless, hungry, alone and cold?



- Try to feel some compassion for their suffering.



- Imagine a little light in your heart that becomes brighter and brighter.



- Open the heart and let the light shine out to other people that really need some love and affection.



- Imagine that their suffering decreases because of your light.



- Now realise that you can use this light also for yourself, and radiate love and affection to yourself.



- Fill the whole body with light and simply enjoy it.



Okay I want you to realize how lucky you are to have a warm place to live in,clean water, good food. There are people in this world who have to drink dirty water, eat 1 meal a day possibly only rice, children who get abandoned by their parents, children who get severely beaten everyday by their parents or the people that are looking after them, there are women who get raped in the streets, women who have to do prostitution just to make a living and it goes on. Once you realize how non important your situation is and how serious other situations can be then your mind will open more.



_________________________________________________

*******Okay I really recommend doing this. The simplest thing to do is just exercise. When you exercise you release "endorphins" in your body that gives you that happy/good feeling. You get the same endorphin release when you have sex, which is why you possibly like to have sex, but you don't notice that good chemical you release. All you have to do is a good 100 jumping jacks and you'll feel those endorphins.





Secondly I want you to try to take " Omega 3 Fish Oil " supplements. They are natural supplements extracted from fatty fish oil. You can buy about 180 of them for under $20. You can find them at places such as walmart, zellers, shoppers drug mart ect. Here is a beneficial list of what it does;



* A healthier heart, with less inflammation, better levels of cholesterol and triglycerides, less prone to arrhythmias.



* A better mind, improve mood, concentration and memory.



* Healthier joints, less inflammation, pain and arthritis difficulties..



* Improvement of the immune system, colds, flues and general immunity.



* Less PMS symptoms and pain in menstrual period.



* Improve quality of hair, nails and skin.



* Boost eyesight.



* Fights effects of aging, protection for cell membranes.



* Improve the general quality of your life.



* Help with children aggression, hyperactivity, depression, and anti social behavior.



here is the site from where I got the info;

http://www.omega-3-fish-oil-wonders.com/

Answer 13

1

Answer 14

letting people av sex with u, is not making love... dey jush using u and u fall for it... u should av sum expectations.. dis way ul av people lykin u as 4 wah u r not wah dey want 4rm u which is sex.



jush stay away from dem.. guys who r afta sex.



i hpe i helped

Answer 15

if the person is using you, break off the relationship and get a relationship with someone you trust. try eharmony.com (i mean being used sucks and that is why you need to find people that WONT use you) GOOD LUCK! =)

Answer 16

Just change your ways! Stop doing it! One day you will find a guy who wants to be with you just for you, just to look into your eyes and fall in love. Not all guys are users, so dont worry.



Just GROW UP!! AND CHANGE YOUR WAYS!! DONT HAVE ANY MORE SEX, FOCUS ON YOUR STUDIES!

Answer 17

i hate men that tell me they really like me on the first or second date. i feel like i want to earn them to like me or love me. if a man falls in love with youtoo soon he can fall in lov with anyone. don't you prefer a guy to love you when he gets to know you? that how guys feel about sex! if you give it to them so easy they'll feel like any guy can have your body and he won't feel special. he willthinkyour so easy and whats next? nothing. no man will take you seriously if you give up sex so soon. make him want you and daydream about you so when he does get i he'll be head over heels!

Answer 18

firstly did you use a condom

if you didnt get yourself checked out, you cant catch anything if your sleeping about

2ndly love and sex are 2 different things, you need to sort that out

and lastly if you dont love you self no one will love you

Answer 19

try to get to know them first before you have sex, if they try to have sex with you on the first nite and dont want know you if you dont have sex with you then they are not worth it you've got to respect yourself and be strong and say NO!!!!! hope this helps

Answer 20

Take a vow of chastity.

Answer 21

that's a tough one,sounds like tou could do with some decent friends

Answer 22

don't worry just make your self look good forget waht other pepole say and just pray everyday.

Answer 23

its easier to say no than you think

Answer 24

Hahahaha...hahahhaa....hahahahah.....!!..



Bullsh*t....!!