Why is this happening so late?

Question

I'm 18-years-old. I have major depressive disorder and I know how it feels to feel like you have no hope of getting any better. I used to cut and enjoy the feeling of the blood dripping down my arm. I was hearing noises that I could not explain and I started to freak out over everything. I am mostly over that now and am trying to hold off a relapse. I have always been paranoid and I still am.

The one major concern is: I have been starting to deplete. My mind seems like it is erasing everything I have learned. I can't talk like I used to or even write a sentence without making several mistakes. I used to do that fine. I am double checking everything I am doing to make sure I don't make any mistakes that may cost me a grade or something like that since I am a freshman in College. I am sometimes too much of a perfectionist. I know, but I want to know why i am not up to par the way I used to. So what could be happening to make me start to screw up everything?

Answer 1

You are describing symptoms of schizo-affective disorder. Here are the diagnotic criteria from the DSM-IV-TR ("diagnotic and statistical manual of mental disorder, fourth edition, text revision"



DSM-IV-TR criteria

The following are the revised criteria for a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR):



A. Two (or more) of the following symptoms are present for the majority of a one-month period (or a shorter period of time if symptoms got better with treatment):



delusions

hallucinations

disorganized speech (e.g., frequent derailment or incoherence) which is a manifestation of formal thought disorder

grossly disorganized behavior (e.g. dressing inappropriately, crying frequently) or catatonic behavior

negative symptoms—e.g., affective flattening (lack or decline in emotional response), alogia (lack or decline in speech), avolition (lack or decline in motivation), anhedonia (lack or decline in ability to experience pleasure), social withdrawal (sometimes called social anhedonia). It should be noted that negative symptoms are different from symptoms of depression.

If the delusions are judged to be bizarre, or hallucinations consist of hearing one voice participating in a running commentary of the patient's actions or of hearing two or more voices conversing with each other, only that symptom is required to meet criterion A above. The speech disorganization criterion is only met if it is severe enough to substantially impair communication.

AND at some time during the illness there is either one, two or all three of the following:



major depressive episode

manic episode

mixed episode

B. During the same period of illness, there have been delusions or hallucinations for at least two weeks in the absence of prominent mood symptoms.



C. Symptoms that meet criteria for a mood episode are present for a substantial portion of the total duration of the active and residual periods of the illness.



D. The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition.



[edit] Subtypes

Two subtypes of schizoaffective disorder exist and may be noted in a diagnosis based on the mood component of the disorder:



[edit] Bipolar type

if the disturbance includes



a manic episode

a mixed episode

Major depressive episodes usually, but not always, also occur in the bipolar subtype, however they are not required for DSM IV diagnosis.



[edit] Depressive type

The depressive type is noted when the disturbance includes major depressive episodes exclusively.



This subtype applies if major depressive episodes only (and no manic or mixed episodes) are part of the presentation.



[edit] Controversies and research directions

Answer 2

high anxiety levels can do that. combined with the depression and everything you've been through. It's probably a reaction of the body, telling you that you need to relax a little, eg don't double and triple check everything. you've done well, given all your problems, you are in college and making serious efforts to stay well. really, that is an achievement. so give yourself credit for it and take one step at a time, allow yourself to even make mistakes, it's ok if things go a little wrong sometimes, and relax. and something else...before getting well, a few relapses are normal, it is sort of a rule. so take it as a sign that you are making progress, don't let it put you down.

Answer 3

Well I can't be certain of what is effecting you but your age is the prime time for onset of anxiety and depression issues, as well as more complex things like schizophrenia. In part this is due to stress of that time, but it is also biological. This could explain why you seem to be regressing now. I do not know if you have to worry about getting worse or not but it is something you should keep an eye on.



What you describe (loss of memory and focus) could be merely anxiety concerns or they could relate to loss of sleep, or they could be a symptom of something more severe.



Actually now that I think about it more, it is probably college itself. A lot of people completely overhaul their lives going into college, and get bombarded by tons of ridiculous responsibilities (particularly if they didn't get a prep school education) and this creates a situation which magnifies any little defects you have.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

i'm guessing, but is based on my own experience.



You tried so hard to conceal the pain and the noises and everything from yourself, but the longer that goes on, memories CONNECTED to the memory of the pain and the events get closed off, too. You are spending HUGE parts of your brain and your energy NOT thinking or remembering lots and lots of things.



Your brain is trying to help you the only way it knows.



My best recommendation - head to a psychiatrist, tell him or her everything. A psychologist might do fine, but it just feels like there is a LOT of pain in there, and you may need antidepressants to help you through the realizing/coping/working through procedure.