Should we live together after 9 months, if the goal is marriage?

Question

We have been dating for 9 months (mid-30s) and much of that has been long distance as he had to move during the 3rd month of dating bc of a job change which required a different visa. So we have done long distance, seeing each other about every 3 wks (alternating for 7-10 days at a time). We text all day long and speak each night. We also took a 10 day vacation in the summer and shorter trips together. He will be moving back in about a wk as the new work visa is valid. His lease expired here last month and I oversaw the packing and storage. At least temporarily he will move into my apt when he arrives. I haven't been explicit that it is temporary. Our relationship is very easy and safe. We can talk about anything (best relationship we have both had). He is very expressive and tells me he has only dreamed of a relationship like we have.

It's my apt (it's big enough and we both like it), so I feel it will be for me to say I'm open to have him move in (versus vice versa). The goal is marriage but should we live together now or only make this temporary till engagement? What do you recommend in my situation?

Answer 1

My husband and I were in a similar situation after we graduated from college. The difference is that we had been dating a little bit longer.



We had been together about 9 months before graduation. He went to grad school in Atlanta, and I got a job at home in the Midwest. We did the back and forth thing, seeing each other about once every 6 weeks for a year.



I decided to move down there after doing the long-distance thing for a year. We got an apartment together. Everything was fine, and we got engaged after living together one year. The only problem was that the job market really sucks in Atlanta, so I ended up moving back home and getting my old job back while I lived with my parents and saved up money for the wedding.



After we got married a year after that, I moved back to Atlanta. I'm happy with our relationship but absolutely miserable with everything else about living in this horrible city! We've been married two years, and I haven't had a steady job down here in that time. Unfortunately, I don't think my husband will ever be able to find a job in the Midwest.



Our relationship is great, except that I resent having to have left a good paying job with lots of opportunity for advancement and where I was respected by my boss and coworkers to move down here and take a less than federal minimum wage, dead-end job just so we could be together. Fortunately, he is finishing his degree soon. Even if we can't end up back home, I can't wait to get out of this hell hole!

Answer 2

Living together will highlight ANY problems you may have compatibilty wise. As long as you don't get upset about him leaving the lid off the toothpaste or leaving the toilet seat up, and he doesn't mind you having the lamp on when he's trying to sleep because you want to read a book, etc. Then no it wont although if you are one of those romantic types you may feel it will take the shine off it a bit. I'm joking about the toilet set and toothpaste etc but you get what I'm saying though. If you think when you first start living with someone that there wont be extra arguing intitally then you are walking around with blinkers on. Personally if it were me I would have a talk with him and get yourselves prepared for a culture shock. Some people say you are better off living with someone before you marry them to get these differences out out of the way early. Others will tell you to wait because its harder to walk out once you are married etc. However, as someone who has been happily married for 19 years ( we moved in AFTER we got married) that it doesn't make the slightest difference. A piece of paper to tell you that you are married is just a piece of paper, learning to accept and adapt is the key. Its all about give and take.



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Answer 3

I moved in with my bf when i was 16 cuz i got pregnant but were still together & love eachother very much & we are now 20 been together for 5 yrs.... But honestly now in days everyoooneeee lives together before marriage so its no biggie & i honestly feel like its better to move in with each other cuz you really get to see what the other person is like trust me after a few months of living together you will see the real side of the person not the cute romantic side that you see only when your dating lol & if you dont like it you can always brakeup since your not gonna be married yet :) but just my opinion :)

Answer 4

live 9 months goal marriage

Answer 5

TEMPORARY! you MUST have that conversation before he moves in! be assertive!

make sure he keeps his things in storage!!!!!! so he hasn't taken over your apartment and doesn't have anywhere to go.

he might have totally different expectations than you.

some marriage counseling would be a great idea because you can't read each others mind.



if you have a big fight,you might feel trapped in the relationship if he has taken over your apartment.

i'm not sure about 'he is very expensive' .does he have money? or is he going to be living off of you? is he going to be paying for half of the expenses? if he loves you so much,why isn't he trying really hard to make you his wife fast?

Answer 6

I beleive in destiny but I still think you have to fight to save your marriage. Especially if you have children.

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Answer 7

kids today...why can t you decide on your own?If marriage is your goal this nine months period will be a good time to think about this or enjoy!