Why do I still miss my abusive ex boyfriend?

Question

He is a drug dealer/drug addict, 29 years old still living with his parents, he doesn't drive or have his own car because he got into several accidents with DUIs and the Insurance company sued him. They won and he will be paying them off most of his life it would seem. He lies compulsively, gave drugs to me (got me hooked for a while) has severe anger issues and is emotionally and verbally abusive. Punched a hole in my wall and said it was my fault because he was mad I "was looking for drugs that night" Meanwhile he is a dealer and gave me my first taste of coke.

I finally said goodbye.Moved away and have not seen him in 4 months. He does not know where I live, and I changed my phone number.Thing is whenever I come back to my old town to visit my family where he still lives I am flooded with memories.I feel so sad for the loss of the relationship even though he is clearly an abuser and no good for me. I broke down after I drank a bottle of wine and called him for the first time in a long time.He was cold, and distant and hurtful toward me.Why did I even call? What the H**L is wrong with me? Is my self esteem shot or what?What gives...I mean How the hell do I get on with this and stay strong? How do I start to let "healthy men" into my life?
Category

Answer 1

It's called familiarity, and we all suffer from it when we breakup with someone we wanted/tried to love.



Consider this time in your life the "detox" period. You know have to rebuild your foundation in what you want in life and what kind of men you want. When I was in a bad relationship, even though I still didn't know what kind of man I wanted, I knew what I DIDN'T want...and it was a man like my ex. So after we broke up and I swore not to go back to any man like that, I also swore that I would be true to myself and not accomodate myself to some guy's needs in order to make him happy because I need to be happy as well. It needs to be an equal exchange for me, not a one way street.



So you can try from there. If you want a man to respect you, you have to learn to respect yourself first.



Good luck.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

Ah I see. What exactly is love? Love is nothing more than another word for companionship. All we look for when we look for "love" is someone you can relate to. Someone to be there for you. Someone to make you feel special. You don't miss your boyfriend. You miss the companionship you felt between you and him. In some sense you don't miss the person, you miss the idea. The best thing you can do right now is move on. You'll find someone new, someone who perhaps is better than you ex. All you can do is get out there and meet some people. Eventually you'll find that companionship that you have missed for so long. All it takes is time.

Answer 4

You probably miss the good things about him. I'm sure he wasnt a complete jerk all the time so it confuses you. You want to see him as the good guy you first met & loved.



Or maybe if you feel like you can help him. You think you can change him/save him.





As of dating "healthy men"...Try being single for awhile and find out what you really want in a guy. Sooner or later he will appear when you aren't trying to hunt him down. Its hard but what good thing in life comes easily?

Answer 5

Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/Qlwgj



Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.



The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.



Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.

Answer 6

Because you are programmed to confuse abuse and arrogance

and attitude as confidence and love. So you need to go for a guy that treats you right and doesn't abuse you.

Answer 7

I agree with the first poster that you're confusing arrogance with confidence. He has nothing at all to offer you or offer society at this point. Start getting attracted to men with real confidence, with real jobs who don't live with their parents. If this guy you're attracted to is so confident and powerful, why is he living with his parents and needing to do illegal stuff to live?

Answer 8

youre lonely.