I've become a chronic "self-judger". To the point where I don't remember what it feels like to be myself. My mind is that occupied, all day long, even in my own presence, about my every move - judging to see if it's all of the labels others have given me which I've turned on myself - funny, confident, creative, genuine, etc etc. It's obviously become a preoccupation to think this way. But when I abandon the thoughts, I still don't feel like myself. I suppose it's because I'm still thinking somehow (perhaps subconsciously). If I never started doing this, I could only imagine the type of person I would have still been, the types of experiences I would have had... For instance I'm naturally a BIG people person. I didn't realize how much of a people person I was till this thinking hit me, this fear of not being myself. It's been so long since I've been that way and truly myself, all the time. I hope I haven't lost my interpersonability...cause it sure feels like it (out of fear I'm sure). I would like to feel like myself again and have all of my goals and everything back in alignment... I used to have so much forward moving energy, used to really enjoy helping others... now the energy is so negatively focussed I'm terrified of myself...Anyway, as you can see, all of these thoughts and more collide in my mind all day long. I'm never free to be, and I would know if I was because I feel differently, I feel and can recognize a shift in paradigm. What do you think?