Why am I such a loser? This is long, so don't click if you dislike reading a lot...?

Question

I have no friends. I'm home schooled because I got anxiety from an experience in 3rd grade. I'm shy and not very social. I don't know how to talk to people and never start conversations. I'm such a loser, I even talk to myself a lot. My brother is shy too, but even he has friends and social. And he's 2 years younger than me. I don't wanna sound like I'm looking for attention, because I hate sounding or thinking I sound as if I'm trying to attract attention. I know all of these problems are nothing to be sad about, since there are people with WAY worse problems than this, but still, even thinking that doesn't make me feel that much better.

. I've also come to reality, and the type of a lot of people are. I wish I could be small again, and not care about what ANYONE thinks of me, and just walk in public without giving a d*mn about anything.

I also have this major crush on this girl, who lives in California though, and I live in Texas. She is a friend of Kylie Jenner..and I know this sounds SO absurd, and I'm being immature, but I really like her. I know there are a lot of other girls out there, but I don't know..I can't get her off of my mind. I've never even met her and I think this!

and I wanna start a business, or invent something, and then use the money so my family can move to California, and I can go to the same school as her. I know that is 99.9% not likely, but yeah.

my dream is to start a business, invent something, or become the CEO of some company(future), but still, I believe it's not likely to happen, but at the same time I believe it. I don't wanna spend the rest of my life working for someone else, like at WalMart or something.

I sometimes become depressed for no reason, and just wanna die, since with death, you have no worries whatsoever, but I don't have the heart to put my family in so much pain. I have been depressed for real though. Out of no where, I felt weird, and it kept getting worse and worse, to the point where the pain felt so real, I thought I'd always feel this way, since it'd be impossible to forget how strong it felt. I always kept it to myself, but my parents knew. I felt like crying out of no where, and didn't like getting up, since I'd be sad and just wanted to die. I thought of suicide a lot, but never told anyone.

that's over though, and I never wanna feel like that again.

I'm also very weird. I think it's since I don't have friends, other than my PS3 ones, and the kids at church, who I even don't really talk to. It's not that they avoid me, since they talk to me, but I always shy out like a little p*ssy, since they are the type of people that like sports, wear snap back hats and stuff, but well, I'm not that type of person.

I'm very philosophical I think. I asked a question about this, and someone told me I have a very inquisitive mind. I also lie history, linguistics, astronomy, mysteries and the unknown A LOT. But no one I know likes that type of stuff, other than my 10 year old cousin, who I barely even see. I love learning, but still...I don't know.

life is so weird and just...don't know how to describe it. I know I can change it anytime I want, but it's hard.

I feel like a freaking loser. People always try to socialize with me, but I always ted to push away I think. I get compliments and stuff, like I'm smart, or my hair looks so good, but still.

and whenever I'm happy about something..ALWAYS....it only lasts for about 30 seconds, then I'm just not happy about it anymore.

Answer 1

Hi, buddy im not going to read everything because im really tired. But, i can help u as much as possible.

The newer generations are becoming more and more preserved and alike to themselves so ur brother is capable to make friends easier with his peers instead of your peers in my opinion. But what i recommend is that you believe in yourself. I'd say I think about life too much, which is why i act goofy, and i'm fine if people judge me and you should too because this world doesn't last long and we are humans. we are the same nature. Whenever i walk up to someone or im talking to someone i am thinking: This person is just like me they are a human and if they're human and im human.. we are able to be close to equal. IMPORTANT: Don't doubt yourself, you understand you and no one can change how you feel and what you think.. Don't think your making others suffer in your presence and find something that will help you. Find what makes you HAPPY. Happiness is what humans need, it's like SUGAR ITS WHAT YAH NEED TO MAKE IT TASTE YUMMY. Also the people that think weird of you or whatever they think of you.. WELL they're WRONG!!!! they aren't ACTUALLY living happy because they haven't found what makes them happy or achieved SELF ACTUALIZATION. All these types of people have is the happiness in looking down on others and thinking their better. YOUR MIND IS POWERFUL, STRONGER THAN YOU THINK, YOU THINK STRONGER THAN YOU KNOW! And to be able to know such a thing that me and you and others are not one of them. Well, it sure does make my heart thump steadily. :)

Answer 2

Unfortunatley you have to deal with people (i hate people) whether it be in work or at school or your going out for a drink they are everywhere. However there will be people who are similiar to you it is just finding them and to find them you will need to talk to people and make conversation don't be put of by what someone wears as most of the time that is not who they are(i dress like a chav yet most of my friends are skaters and emos). With your aspirations never give hope as you never know where life may take you and much wierder things have happened then someone becoming a CEO of a successful company or invented something that maybe no one could imagine there life without it. Good luck :)

Answer 3

First of all make a Facebook ID it will help u 2 overcome your shyness and u can make your crush your friend & then try to make more and more friends.Try to help whenever anyone need and never show-off in front of any one but some show off will help you to make friend & if u want to do business then try to study BUT not only study and a girl secret a girl likes a boy smile :-p :-) and if u have a hair gel use it it will make u look smarter and only for suggestion you can add me in facebook for friend my name in Facebook is Sparkle Yamaguchi from Japan. All these are my personal Suggestion.