I have a problem making friends?

Question

I'm 15. I know I am lacking in social skills. I think I am smart and mature for my age, yet I have a hard time showing it to people. I know my thoughts are deep... but the way I talk does not show it. Only my mom and people who are close to me have seen my intellectual side. I think I have a good heart... I don't lie and I always try to do the right thing.

But I have a problem making friends. The truth is I'm not like girls my age. If I'm going to be friends with someone, I want it to be a sincere and real friendship... meaning I actually CARE about this person's life. I think a lot of girls my age have superficial relationships with each other, and I just can't be like them.

I think I have a good understanding of psychology and human behavior, interaction, stuff like that. But if that's so, then why can't I apply that knowledge to myself? Why can't I make friends?

Answer 1

homecoming?

Answer 2

Hi Alyson,

I had the exact same problem when I was at high school. Sometimes being smart, more mature and a little different from your peers can definitely make you feel isolated from them and can make it difficult to relate to them. And yes, many girls at that age seem to have very superficial relationships. It seems to be more important to appear popular than to have any real connection to others. Many of these social problems are created by teenage girls' insecurities about themselves and how others' perceive them. They are concerned that people won't accept them, and so being viewed as popular becomes more important than relating genuinely because it carries less risk of being rejected. This is fairly normal, but you may feel like an outsider because you are less inclined to project a false image when of relating to others.

Don't let it worry too much, because your difficulties in social relationships are most likely not the result of a problem with you - its not because there's something wrong with you! Its a temporary problem which should improve towards the end of high school and its definitely easier in college. In the mean time, try making friends in a smaller group, because people are often more open on an individual level. You might also try finding some friends outside of school too, like at a church youth group or a sports team or another social group you may be interested in. Try not to let it bother you too much, because when you are less worried about it it will automatically become easier.

Another idea if you are finding this a really big problem is to go have a chat to a counsellor or psychologist about it. You may find you have some social anxiety or self esteem issues that are holding you back from making friends that they could help you to overcome.

Again, please don't worry too much, you sound really awesome, so be confident in the fact that you are a genuine, kind person. People are eventually drawn to good people, and they will be really lucky to have you as a friend.

Good luck!!!! xo

Answer 3

Hmm... Your question is one I cannot answer, for I have been faced with the same thing.. But I will share with you my observations to apply to your understanding and perceptions.



I am female and I am Seventeen. I have always attempted to be friends with people- I actually cared about them, and things at large in general. I avoided lying at all costs and still, Rejection and betrayal where all I saw. I had not a single friend for ages.



From what I have noted, my maturity and lack of a superficial agenda didn't reach anyone. Those around my age when I too was fifteen (not meaning to sound as if I'm preaching or anything..) thought I was 'weird', as they have grown up only understanding the game that is superficiality; one that so many- especially in schools- played. They learned that to be that way, they could excel in the ranks amongst people around them and be accepted.



Your understanding of the futility of superficiality also probably steers them away from you... You understand that what they do is rather... bleak (for a lack of a better word), so in turn, they don't see you as a player of there game, and therefor do not involve you. Some might even avoid you and think your creepy for that same reason. It is unavoidable..



It may sound cliche, however as time goes on, I am certain you will find someone whom will appreciate you as a friend. There will be a lot of frivolous and shallow people for quite a long while... But you seem pretty awesome, so when you find someone like you in those respects, you will have a very good friend.



Quality and elapsed time... Rather than shallow and sudden.



My suggestion is to perhaps join leagues... Groups. Groups for sports at our age usually is loused with only shallow people... But there is a chance. If you like Art, Some sort of book, video games or some television, perhaps you could find online groups that you could take a look at. You can find groups for all of those things and more on internet blogs... Most bookstores have events, also. But as always, no matter what you do, be safe :)



I actually made really good friends on http://www.Livejournal.com/ , and with the staff at a local Borders books. They are all older, however... So there is always a distance between us. But the people I met on Livejournal actually understood where I was coming from.. But there is always a chance to meet someone around our age that feels the same way. I too hope for that.



I hope I helped at all (and didn't prattle you to death.. With my social awkwardness, I hope I didn't creep you out or anything.) ... And I wish you tons of luck. Take care :)

Answer 4

I used to be very much like you. I was a lot different from girls of my age. I was more mature and smarter and found it hard to relate to to their supeficial ways. So i was a loner, and wondered whether i was the strange one. Now i'm 22 i know that i am (!) but there's nothing wrong with that. I'm not big on groups, and the way i see it as long as i have one good friend that's all i need in the world.



I had a moment when i was a teen where i decided to try and fit in more, so i did. It made me more unhappy, as sometimes i'd slip up, and then more people would see the differences. So i thought 'hell to that' and went back to being me.



As i got older, and some of the remnants of old friends (when i tried to be more gregarious) were clinging on, they betrayed me and let me down. I has a really bad accident when i was 14-15 and i realised out of all the 'friends' i had made, only one of them supported me.



So that point was a turning in my life and people may try to suggest you have something chronically wrong with you for not liking others of your age but i'm now 22, and i got rid of the tons of 'friends' in my life and now have a very small circle of friends. Some may say that's bad, but i know i can trust these people and they wont desert me.



To wrap it up, you define normality in your life. If you don't like girls your age, fine, you don't have to be friends with all of them. I still feel socially awkard, but i'd rather feel left out, then change myself into someone i don't like and feel partially included.

Answer 5

Your much too much of a special and deep person to ever be in an "in" crowd of le superficials/plastics/shallow heads.

I would suggest clubs your interested in both at the school and outside of your school. Perhaps a church or some spiritual atmosphere [like Buddhism] for meditation, if your into that. You have to start somewhere, and spiritual people~many are kind and compassionate and aren't so narcissistic.

You seem to be sensitive and perhaps somewhat shy. Be thankful to God for your sensitivity level because you know what? Many of these girls probably will not change in their later years and grow to lead very superficial lives. While you, on the other hand will likely be more fulfilled in your life in many areas, and leading a life of contentment.

Only befriend people who are kind, caring and giving like yourself.

Answer 6

Your stressful too plenty approximately alot of condition that are no longer interior your potential. Who cares what people think of of you? probability is, you do no longer think of to enormously of them for judging you interior the 1st place. Many super people have completed issues that cut back against the grain, lots of the time without familiar approval. in basic terms be the guy you invision exterior of high school in yet another 3 or 4 years. it is going to mature your character swifter to accomplish your college examine heavily. while you're bullied or made exciting of, finally end up greater useful a thank you to combat back. Even pretending like it dosen't hardship you're able to be greater proper than giving in to the sensation those all people is tyring to set off. do exactly no longer practice concern, and don't back down no count how plenty better or greater smart your opponent may be. Individuality in many cases has the top hand on conformity, and boldness hardly gos unrecognized. in case you carry your self with the suited admire, and practice those which you won't be able to be bothered by potential of their comments, people will in turn admire you greater, and you may even finally end up greater socialized besides. so some distance as pals pass, they're people who come into your existence on each and every occasion they do. you may no longer rigidity friendship, in basic terms as you may no longer rigidity a relationship. once you detect a actual chum, they're gauranteed to be there for existence. your loved ones can now and lower back be your terrific pals even. Ofcoarse, no longer something is attainable in case you do no longer communicate up! you will desire to communicate with the intention to hitch the international around you. or you haven't any risk of looking what it particularly is that makes you chuffed. So say something! next time or every time you have an opinion. don't be scarred of repercussion, because of fact it particularly is barely the 2d which you will ever have the possibility to alter the concerns to hand.

Answer 7

Everyone is different and just because you feel differently about making friends than your peers it doesn't mean that you won;t make a great friend.



Have you had a look at the criteria for Aspergers Syndrome? It probably doesn't apply but worth a look.