Question:
this is the last straw that broke the camels back need advice?
?
2009-02-10 14:09:31 UTC
need some real important advice on this i am 39 years old currently living with my uncle and mother.
i am just starting to go back to work next week lately both my mom and uncle have been using me as a punching bag not physically but verbally and emotionally.today i went to my job to finish up some business and i had told my mother on the way that i need to get out of where i am living and be independant.my mom flipped out on me and of all places my new job.she started calling me names and texting,calling people all in sight to make herself look like the victim and me the bad guy when in fact all she and my uncle does is cut people down and use me as a punching bag.t day was the last straw that broke the camels back.I believe my mom has multiple addictions like drugs and gambling and my uncle has the same but only gambling.i have excercized self control and try to be strong but im breaking to the point where i cannot take it anymore especially the way my mom treats me and the things she says that hurt me.my relationship with my mom has been strained and she is ok with me as long as she has the control when in fact i told her i am in control now and now she does not want to even know me.i need advice i plan on leaving real soon but need to save some money first but for now whats the best course of action i can take until i leave?? thanks
Four answers:
Minx
2009-02-10 16:01:35 UTC
Aww geez mate, i'm sorry to hear that you have such a toxic relationship with your mother and uncle ..... i really do feel for you as my mother also has the emotional capacity of a barracuda ..... people like that pure and simply need to be avoided as much as possible .... sadly we can't choose our family but we can choose how we live our lives ...... sounds to me like you have reached decision time ..... my two cents worth is that the sooner you get your tushy out of there the better off you will be ........ abuse, be it physicial, emotional, verbal or psychological is still terribly damaging to your peace, health and vitality........ the easiest way i found to deal with a mother who needs to control your every movement is simply to switch off emotionally and tell her NoThiNg ....... and i do mean nothing ...... be completely private in regard to your finances, emotions, professional life ....... pretty much resulting conversations are guarded and non informative .......... it sounds cruel and callous i know but this is about YoU and your own self preservation ....... start doing for yourself first ........... you simply reach a stage where you've had enough and need to start nourishing your own spirituality.



Don't hold a grudge against either your mom or uncle though .... let it go and forgive them for not being just what you expected ... don't let their misery and spite crush you by hanging on to it ....... instead feel sorry for them for only miserable sad people spread grief and sadness like that.



Be brave luv ... you can do it.... i believe in you ..... temper your words to them with kindness and compassion but only say what is necessary.... protect your vitality by not getting drawn into their negativity.



my mother took me in nearly 2 years ago with 3 young primary school children for six weeks of utter grief and spite and misery ...... she kicked me out and i ended up in a ramshackle ooooold tiny little weatherboard house for the past 18 months but at least it was mine ...... i tried at the start to maintain my empathy and total communication with her but she simply had and never has had any ReSpEcT for me or mine whatsoever ........ i mean to say, it was nothing for her to simply walk in the back door at anytime of the day or night ..... even walk straight into my bedroom when i was napping in the afternoon and start yelling at me for this that and the other ..... ima 45 mate ....... i'm a grown woman too .......... and that's what it all boils down to .......... there's no respect or empathy forthcoming from your mom ....... geez, i can so relate here ..... that's another reason i can't expose myself to my mom's presence more than once a month or more ........ all she ever does is batch and moan and complain about other people's shortcomings and cut them down and spread negativity and grief ........ misery luvs company ...... distance yourself from the pain and start living your life ..... stop treating your mom like your friend ....... friends don't abuse each other like that .......... sure you luv her cos she's your mom ...... but that doesn't mean you have to like her ...... that was my fatal mistake anyway .... i tried my whole life to be my moms friend ....... and unfortunately she just took all the energy i shared and gave nit in return.



Throw all your energy into your new job and occupy as much of your free time as possible doing things that you luv doing .... go dancing, go for a walk, a run on the beach, go to the library for quiet reading time .......... anything to keep you happy until you get out of there.



oh, and drink at least 8 glasses of water a day ........ and i'm not even half kidding here ...... you need water to clear brain frizz and to think clearly .... heck you need water for every single cellular function in your body mate ..... drink up.



Ditch as much processed sugar as you can too as it will only serve to stress an already stressed body ....... eat more wholegrains and cereals like organic brown rice too as they are chock full of B vitamins for healthy neural functioning and immunity and digestion ...... keep you regular mate ........ better out than in i reckon ...... eat more leafy and green vegies as well mate...... full of calcium and magnesium which work in tandem for neural health and of course bone, teeth and heart health .... chow down on lightly steamed broccolli, kale, chard, celery, buk choy....... feed your brain and reduce your stress levels ...... Soccrates said ... "Let Food Be Thy Medicine"...........;0)



(((huggs)))



peace baby





(((huggs)))
anonymous
2009-02-10 22:21:29 UTC
Maybe she is jealous of you because you are stronger than her?

Until you leave I wouldn't discuss with them about leaving until the time comes as it seems to make her upset and angry.

Have you a close friend you could talk to or someone you trust who can help you? It does seem as if you need to be independant,maybe you could go to Citizens advice who could help you find a cheap place to live and receive help from Housing Benefits if you are short of money?

It is better to be out of this unhealthy atmosphere and I wish you luck for the future
Loney
2009-02-10 22:24:15 UTC
You're going through a lot of pain. I think you should get on with your job and go live somewhere else, like you wanted to. Most people your age do. Just show that you know what you're doing and hopefully she won't yell at you. If you need to talk you can e-mail me at loneytoni@yahoo.com
cobra
2009-02-10 22:22:13 UTC
I know money is an important factor, but get out as soon as is possible and never go back. They think they own you because you are dependent on them.They are a mess but you give them power because you are dependent on them. Run for the hills!


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
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