I'm trapped in a horrible situation, please help me..?

Question

Pray you believe me and not consider me a snotty little girl that knows nothing of life and is a drama queen. I am 20 years old and I have finished highschool in 2012. My mom died when I was 5 and my father had to raise up both me and my older brother, who is now 29. My brother had problems with his mental health following the loss of my mother (he was in his early teens when it happened) so we always struggled with money to pay for his medication. He went to study Sociology at college, which he absolutely loves, but as you probably know is not something to want for the future. The jobs are not easily found, especially for him, who is still recovering from his illness. Nobody hires him, so he still lives at home with us. I have now finished the first year in college, studying the same, Sociology. I can say it wasn't my choice to study this - my choice was Medicine, but I was lazy and failed the admission exam. I consider it entirely my fault for not studying when I had to, but I believe it is not a mistake to pay for my entire life. Now, my father forces me to finish Sociology and, after that, on my own money, study whatever else I like. Which is impossible, Med School being the most expensive in my country. Here, if you have good grades though, you get free education - and I am certain that I could do that at Med School. But my father doesn't, he thinks that if I failed one exam I will fail all the exams possible and then he'd have to pay a huge amount of money. Which he possesses, by the way. So he forces me to keep studying this and I must say, hate is not a strong word enough to express my feelings towards it. You may , as my father and my brother say, believe that a year at college is not enough to make such an impression over a person and that I'll start liking it later. But I'm sure I won't. Dad somehow thinks there can be something done out of Sociology, but he is mistaken; in my country, Sociologists starve. And I'd gladly starve if I did something I like, and gladly hate my job if it brought me a good living. The future ahead of me is gloomy indeed, for if after a year I hate this subject like this, I cannot imagine how my whole life doing this will be. My father is an engineer and when he was young he wanted to join the Army, but he got afraid and gave it up, only to regret his whole life. I don't want to become like that. He is sour and poor and now extremely selfish, because he doesn't want me to stay a year at home and study for Med School because of his money and reputation and God knows what else. I am quite desperate, I must tell you. And I'm sorry if I sound ridiculous, but thoughts of running away from home and working my way through life come to me quite often. Nevertheless, I am tiny and look like a child and I can't see me succeeding, because willpower isn't always enough. Also, I'd break his heart and I can't do that, not after what happened with mom. Please tell me what should I do. As a sociologist I'll never make enough money to go to a second college - I forgot to mention, in my country you only get to attend one college for free if you have good grades, the second is always paid. So I'll never be able to change my life. Please, any advice is very much appreciated and I'm sorry that I wrote so much..

Answer 1

Hi

Something same happened with me, though of a lower degree, but please listen to what I say.

I am 18, when I was 16, I liked a girl a lot, I still like her. We were good friends . But I, accidentally conveyed my feelings to her and she stopped talking to me .Her friends had played a prank on me. I apologised 21 times. She never even replied or said anything to me.



I went into chronic depression, I still have it, I have developed obsessive compulsive disorder and I had to see a psychologist and I even went to a psychiatrist. I was also on anti depressants. I did not do well in my final year high school exam and the engineering entrance exam in my country ( India) and I have ended up going to a not so .good engineering college. I did not even cleared the armed forces exam, my dad himself being in the corp of engineers in the army was ashamed if me.



But I am preparing for my engineering entrance again and coping with my college studies as well. I sleep quite less and work hard. I plan to give the exam next year. My aim is to get in one of the top engineering collegesof my country and I will do it.



Now I suggest you study for the med exam once again, with all your might, keeping.in.mind that you have to study your college subjects too. Believe me you can do it. When you do the med school exam and do well in it. Believe me your dad will realize it and change his mind and pay the college fee. You can do a part time jobs and meet ends. I know its hard but if you believe I yourself you can do it.



Your dad has been caring for you since so long,believe me he will change his heart when you do well in the med exam and get a good medical college. Even he knows sociology ain't good. You realize you were lazy, even I was. Just work hard and give it your best shot. You will win.



If you are an Indian then I suggest you see the movie, " Bhag Milkha Bhag" if you are not I suggest you to please see the movie " Pursuit of happiness" , see it again if you had already see it. Don't bother even a bit if what others say just do your own work and keep your goal in mind. You will have to manage between your college studies and your medicalexam studies...do it.



If unfortunately it dosent work out, don't worry it will help you someway or the other and you will find a job, you can work for a news channel perhaps or something like that....but I am sure your dream of medical college will work out.





Believe me if you work hard every thing will turn out to be good. Believe in yourself.

Sorry for the long answer ,



all the best.and you are not a drama queen ......but someone who us quite brave and has tremendous potential...you inspire me.

Answer 2

I think that you should calm down…you are taking it too deep and too personal. Your father is paying for ur school, I understand you want another career but like the saying goes “for a free horse, you don’t look at the teeth’s”…meaning that just finish what you start it and with that diploma you can continue doing another career. It’s better to have a pay career and the diploma than to just have the “high school diploma”. I understand that Sociologist doesn’t make a good earning but neither any career guarantee you a job. There are a lot people who have degrees and they are not even use it, you know why?, cuz to get a “good job” paying job is not about just the diploma…the PERSONALITY have to do a lot with it. So ones you finish with your Sociology, maybe you can afford you get into the medical field...but if you can’t afford it, still work in yourself to make it work with your “Sociology diploma”. Remember that getting a job is not a matter of what school you went to…but what IT’S in You that will open or closed door for you. Connections in an any field will take u more far away than complaining about your situation…MAKE IT work…you have the capacity for it…otherwise you wouldn’t be in college..



Good luck.

Answer 3

Sorry--but I just couldn't wade through all of that! From what I get, for me--I'd move out after I've found a job; then I'd borrow student loan money and go for whatever you want. I went back to college as an adult and borrowed student loans. I then worked as a therapist for very troubled adolescents for 20 yrs before retirement--and had paid back the entire loan by the time I retired. Most of us feel trapped at some point in our lives, but if we cool down and explore possibilities--like see your school counselor for suggestions, etc., there are always other avenues. Not necessarily the ones we wanted, but at least they are options. Then in that job, we can plan out a way to get where we wanted in the first place.