Why am I such a failure?

Question

It just seems like everything I try and do goes wrong for me. First of all I'm ugly. I have very few positive features. I have glasses that don't suit me yet I can't afford contact lenses. Severe acne, ridiculous amounts of body hair and then random bald patches right in the middle of a section of really long hair.

I seem to be really bad at whatever sports I take up. I took up football and got hit in the face with the ball and broke my nose which now makes me automatically flinch and cover my face when anybody kicks a ball so I can't play football anymore.
Then I took up skateboarding for a few years and ended up falling off and breaking my leg which seemed to leave me too traumatised to get back on a skateboard.
I took up MMA but my reaction times are too slow and never seem to improve meaning every sparring section I was getting hammered because it usually takes me about a second and a half to react.
Took up Parkour but was crap at it and never seemed to improve so I ended up dropping it.
I have dysbraxia meaning alot of other sports involving catching and co-ordination I can't do.
I can't play video games online or on hard difficulties either because I react too slow to my opponents and get obliterated.

On an educational stand point I did really badly on my GCSEs. Not fails but mostly just low grade passes. No As. I think i got like a B for music. I'm doing As Level now which I seem to be failing at. It's not that I don't revise either. I revise for at least 4 hours a day and I've tried so many different methods but nothing seems to work. I'm just naturally thick.
I had a well paying job for my age as I was only working 2 days a week and getting £350 a month which I was happy with. But I've recently got laid off and after weeks and weeks of searching I can't find another job, meaning I'm absolutely broke and struggling to support myself financially. I can barely cook, I can literally cook about 6 meals and that's about it. So I'm eating the same stuff every week. I have tried learning other recipes but I tend to forget them a lot.

Just to top things off. I've only ever had 5 relationships in my entire life. And only 1 of them I wasn't cheated on. I have an awful personality so I don't really get on with people. I have tried to change but I just can't.
I used to get on with everyone and then both my best friends died within a year of each other and it changed me completely.
Just top make matters worse I suffer from Avoidant Personality Disorder and depression which I'm taking medication for. I'm an insomniac and have become addicted to sleep medication (Although I've never admitted that to anyone.)
And because I'm quite thick I often get bullied and made fun of a lot. I don't really have any friends so i don't get out much and I'm never invited to parties or nothing like that. I spend most of my time inside bored.

The only things I can say I'm good at is swimming and writing songs. I enjoy both of those and do them a lot but I still don't feel like I'm good enough to get anywhere with any of that as none of that stuff is useful. I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm complaining, I just feel so low about myself. Somebody help me by giving some advice. Please! Any advice from anyone who's been trhough the same kind of thing or similar things.

Answer 1

I've been through a very similar state of mind. Let's break this down into sections.



1. Appearance:

Glasses - Next time you go to your opticians and you are looking around at the glasses you want to buy take your time. Consider which you think would look best on you. Try and get a style that suits you and your personality. Never try and blend in. Always try to stand out from the crowd. Don't buy glasses because they're 'what everyone else wears.' Be your own person.

Acne - Go to a doctor and get medication that helps, maybe pills or cream and eventually your acne should go.

Body Hair - Never hurts to shave or trim if you feel like you have too much. Even wax it if you can cope with the pain of waxing. If you save up for a while you could have laser surgery and have all annoying areas of body hair removed. That's what I did a few weeks ago.



Sports - If you are good at and enjoy swimming then there's no need to focus on being good at other sports. stick to what you're good at, don't try and be good at everything.



Education - I don't think results are important. They follow a very limited ranged curriculum. If you do bad on Chemistry say, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're bad at Chemistry overall, it just means that you were bad at the Chemistry in the curriculum you did. Your skills may lean in a different area of the subject you failed at and the things within that subject that you could probably do well at may not have been in the curriculum. I would suggest going to college and just studying one subject that you enjoy so that all your focus is on that subject and you do not feel like it is simply a chore. Maybe try Music since you said you enjoy writing music, if you already have skill in that then you may already be halfway to getting a music qualification. You could start up a band and you never know, you could end up being the next Led Zeppelin. anything is possible.



Career - Never try and seek a job which is higher paying than your last job. A job is a job. There will be plenty of time to get a good job when you have finished your education, but for the moment focus on that.



Relationships - You should try and avoid getting into relationships too soon. Before you get into a relationship, always get to know the girl first. Become her best friend. Make sure you're the one she confides in, trusts in and you feel the same way. Don't try and force a relationship onto her, just ask if she would be willing to consider it and break it gently.



Friends - You may be surprised to find that a lot of people may feel the same way. You suffering a lot with the things that have happened and maybe your sense of humor has died, or something else in you has changed. Sometimes when you lose people close to you you are forced to grow up a lot faster than other people. Try and find ways to meet new people, like going to festivals (Download was good this year, try that one) or going to summer camps and meeting people there.



Depression and Insomnia - Although people say depression is something that can't be overcome they're wrong. I was diagnosed with depression and was popping pills every day. I felt like I depended on them to feel happy or just to smile. Eventually I stopped because they had too many side affects and were messing with my brain. I disovered that my depression was simply a state of mind. With enough positive thinking you can remove the depression completely, I rarely feel depressed anymore even though I was diagnosed with it by several doctors.

As for the Insomnia and sleep medication, I've heard that it is very addicting (I believe Eminem was addicted around the time of Encore, Relapse). I advise you get help from a professional or if you can't afford to then speak to a trusting family member or friend and ask if they can help you break free from the chains of an addiction.



I hope my advice has helped and I wish you the best of luck in your step to becoming a better person. Feel free to PM me if you need a chat and I will PM you my e-Mail aswell. Good luck! :)

Answer 2

Awh :( Well I think everyone secretly feels like a failure sometimes. Your appearance doesn't make you a failure or ugly. You just have to learn to accept yourself. And trust me, I'm a girl, so I know that's hard to do, lol. And the grades - all good grades prove is that you can mindlessly follow a standardized system really well (unless you went to like an insanely smart college). So don't beat yourself up about that.



All I can say for the job thing is that you've just got to keep trying. Don't be afraid to look for jobs below your old pay grade, if there aren't any available. If you just keep trying, something will crop up eventually.



And I'm sure you don't have an awful personality; nobody does. You're probably just depressed and don't have a whole ton of energy to expend being talkative and exuberant and stuff. I know what that's like; I just got out of an abusive relationship that had gone on for like a year and totally drained me; I lost a bunch of friends because even when I was "allowed" to see them, I didn't have the energy or patience to do so, and when I did I seemed pretty boring and run down. That's what depression does to people. A psychologist could help you sort through stuff, maybe give you tips on the sleep medication.



Aaand you should find things you love to do - swimming and writing songs are good places to start. You could start a band or something! (lol I love seeing local bands) Google a list of hobbies to try out. And explore your interests - research the latest politics and ideas, and do enough that you're confident in your opinions. It'll help you feel like you've established an identity and have a purpose in life and stuff. That's what's helped me, anyway.



Hope that helps :/

Answer 3

Hey Azz,



I can only speak from my own experiences, but I have found for me that the most important thing in my life, above everything else, is my relationship with my thoughts. Because that impacts on how I look at the world.





My advice for is to learn how to develop a stronger relationship with your thoughts.





You create your own reality, your thoughts create your perspective, which flow on to how you feel, how you act and what sort of impact that has on your day to day.





We see the world in the way that we are, not the way that the world is and if you can change the way that you look at things, the things you look at change. So everything in life is about your perspective and figuring out how to look at things in the best light for you (everyone is unique).





Be careful how you look at life, because that's how it will be. And life comes in waves, it's all about learning how to surf.





I'm not any kind of professional so I can't comment on whether seeing a professional is an option - it could be an option for where you're at. But from my perspective those kind of things are only good at treating things on the surface kind of area (which can be a good way to start), dealing with the different manifestations/symptoms of similar core issues.





Core issues being some kind of imbalance with your relationship between you and your thoughts…





Your mind is a tool that you need to learn how to use otherwise it will use you. It'll paint all kinds of pictures about how bad your life is, the terrible things that have happened, the unfortunate situation etc etc. You need to learn how to use the mind like a tool and master it, otherwise it will use you. This isn't the sort of thing that they teach us in school…





You are not your thoughts and you can't necessarily control your thoughts as much as you can control the ocean. It's about becoming more aware of your thinking, observing your mind objectively, without attachment and developing a stronger relationship with it to take the best action for you at that given time.





Think more epic, be more epic. It all starts with thought.





Life is about 10% what happens to you, things that are outside of your control, then 90% how you CHOOSE to react to it. You can't control life or other people, the only thing that you can control is your reaction to them.







Without the thought that there is a problem, there is no problem, it's all how you look at it. As Captain Jack Sparrow says, "The problem is not the problem, the problem is your reaction to the problem. Do you understand?"





I've put together video series called the 'Think Epic Principles' and at http://thinkepic.net/principles/ of simple concepts and ideas to help you develop a stronger relationship with your thoughts. Please go along and check them out there is more coming out every week, they could be what you're looking for.





Approach everything with an open mind but no so open that your brain falls out all over the floor. I'm not asking anyone to believe what I say, but take it with a grain of salt and think for yourself. But whatever is said (whether it was me, Ghandi, friends or family, a homeless person etc) if it aligns with you feel free to accept it, if it doesn't don't. But do seek to understand different perspectives. Just because you can understand something, does not mean you have to accept it.





If you find the videos useful or if you have any questions please fire me an email through the site, I'd be really interested to hear your thoughts as I've just launched the website to help people develop a stronger relationship with their thoughts - if they want to. Any feedback would be much appreciated, the more honest the better :)





Thanks and good luck!

Answer 4

We're constantly manifesting. Each idea we have develops an energy circulation within and around our physical beings. This energy attracts its similarity. So if you're believing, "I suck," then your energy sort of, well, sucks- and you bring in draws experiences and this is just one of things that this book Manifestation Miracle https://tr.im/enlUc will learn you. The favorable affirmations, as soon as you impress a brand-new idea, idea or image into your subconscious, it ultimately becomes rooted in the soil of your subconscious.

Manifestation Miracle is extremely extensive and the best non fluff overview of the law of attraction and ways to utilize it to its maximum potential. If you are seeking a life altering motivational read then this guide from start to complete! You most certainly won't regret it.

Answer 5

The best way to develop self esteem is to do esteemable things. Volunteer as much time as you can to charitable work. You will be shocked at how fast things seem better!

Answer 6

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Answer 7

ahem... sorry... I didnt read the entire message

Try going at one of those activities AGAIN you may have this "disability" but it doesn't mean it should hinder you entirely! Come on! Get up, yes!?